


Different sides of LOVE

by Eri_Hime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, Background Relationships, Depression, F/M, Homophobia, Kuroo isn't a cat person, M/M, Moving On, Please Don't Hate Me, Possible Character Death, single parent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 22:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eri_Hime/pseuds/Eri_Hime
Summary: It was years since Sawamura Daichi stared his life in Tokyo, but his past still haunts him now and then. Being convinced by his boyfriend he decided to go back to the place he holds dear to his heart - where his normal life turned into endless hell and where still live a person who was his first love. But love isn't easy, just like having good friends.Okay. I'm bad at this. I DON"T KNOW HOW TO SUMMARIZE THIS WORK. I'm Sorry. :(





	Different sides of LOVE

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Eri here.  
> I present you my long awaited project which took me more time that I thought it would. I'm not a native English speaker, but thanks to https://yougottaonestrapit.tumblr.com/ who kindly checked my work I can post it without fear. :) I will never repay her for this. 
> 
> Before you start reading may I first explain some things that can confuse you here:  
> LINE- is popular app in Japan - just like WhatsApp or Messenger  
> Shisha- Is a waterpipe in which a mixture of tobacco and flavourings or molasses sugar is smoked. The tobacco is heated beneath charcoal, the heat pushes the smoke into a water container where it bubbles through and then leaves the water container via a hose and inhaled. (from: https://www.mhcc.nhs.uk/news/what-is-a-shisha/) 
> 
> Now you're free to read. :)

_Tears have long dried_ _,_ _up leaving salty marks on his cheeks. Stupor took over his body. It took several hours to lose everything. He had nothing left. He looked absently at the passing crowd. Everyone had somewhere to go, they had a goal. He narrowed his eyelids trying to turn off his brain. The din, however, did not disappear, it remained on the same level, reminding him he was still here. He is still alive. He opened his eyes again, looking blankly at the phone on which the notifications were flashing. He pulled himself off the bench and walked forward. He had nowhere to go. He no longer had a home. He dug out his last money and bought a train ticket. He really did not care about the destination. All he needed was a pass. He himself did not know why his mouth said this city. Maybe because he was there several times? He stopped on the platform admiring the blissful peace. Finally, a place where there were not so many people. He dropped the bag at the vending machines and waited. With every minute space had begun filling with more people, buzz again hit his ears. He heard their laughter and saw mocking looks. He took a few steps forward. The creamy line seemed bloody red as if it was counting with him to the end. How many minutes will he feel pain? How many minutes will it take for people to clean up the place of his blood? Or maybe the train will not even notice the extra layer? There was a clatter of the approaching train in the air. He closes his eyelids, ambling forward. He can do it. After all, he was already dead to the world._

(´•ω•̥`)

Another exhale and look at the players who were preparing for the next action. He stood at the bullpen with the bottle in his hand, trying to control the flow of negative thoughts. Another year, another message on LINE and to his own amazement - the envelope in the mailbox. It was easier for him to remove an electronic message from its existence than a paper one, especially when a dark-haired man was looking at his hands while standing next to him. He was not ready to talk to him about his feelings, about his past. He did not want to give him more worries than usual.

He put the bottle on the bench and ran onto the court trying not to think about the team's whispers, about their hostile looks. He tried to focus on the game he was so proud of, but the older he was, the more cracks he saw in his play. He was not surprised when once again he was only a substitute at the official match. However, now i training, he could do his best and prove that he has not burned out yet, that he has the same spark that allowed him to lead Karasuno to the finals of Spring Tournament.

Bokuto jumped at the same time as Daichi, entering the space of another player. However, he got the point by completely passing through Sawamura's block, who landed on the ground with a groan looking in disbelief at the rolling ball. The oppsing team's owl screamed in joy, ignoring the setter's disapproving gaze, and mumbling of unflattering epithets about the intelligence of their ace. Kuroo stepped forward, looking at the brunette who rubbed his eyes with frustration.  
"Maybe you should rest Daichi? This is not your best day." Kuroo made his standard smile, hoping to relieve tension in his partner.  
Sawamura looked at him surprised. He opened his mouth to answer something, but he said nothing, scared of the team's reaction to their conversation. Kuroo responded by sending him a kiss to tease him a little, not bothered about anything at all.  
"Can't you flirt somewhere else?!" The setter growled dryly attracting everyone's attention.  
Kuroo looked at the brunette in panic, who lowered his head in embarrassment. Bokuto watched all this with a growing sense of guilt. This is not how it's supposed to look.

  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Bokuto and Kuroo got into the same university and quickly joined the team. They created a powerful duo that gave the feeling of terror to other teams. Kuroo was at a high level in blocking and receiving, while Bokuto thanks to his training had the strength to defeat any wall. They both dreamed about a sport career, Bokuto a little more than Kuroo, who was ready for a scientist's career if he did not bring the interest of professional teams. They could forget about the national team's career since they have never been invited to their training camps. It was a bittersweet thing; they were sure that their love for volleyball wasn't weaker than Ushijima, but reality showed that even being volleyball nerd wasn't enough to make the dream possible. That didn't bring them down, they still dreamed to be a part of pro world. And a miracle happened, one of the better teams in Tokyo hired them. They had to play for money. They thought while signing their contracts that they could not be happier.

A few months after completing their studies, Kuroo got contacted by Sawamura, who was looking for a cheap flat in the capital, and the possibility of accommodation until he finds it. It was strange to see a serious captain from their high school times standing at the train station with no plans for life. He didn't resemble that proud captain from the past, not in looks, not in behavior, but instead as someone to whom the earth sank under their feet. Kuroo took the brunette under his wings with no objections. For Bokuto, it was both the best period of life and the weirdest. Sawamura, thanks to their recommendation, got onto the team. They were the three musketeers. However, Bokuto was not stupid or blind. He saw how Kuroo flirted with the dark-haired man, and how Sawamura slowly opened to him. It was weird to see his best buddies slowly falling in love with each other. Especially since before they both were interested in women. He was not against their relationship; he enjoyed their happiness even if he didn't understand why they wanted to keep it as a secret. Shouldn't love be shared? However, he kept his word to not release their sweet secret.

And everything went well until their great victory and the huge party that followed it. Without thinking a lot, he talked to everyone about what connected the two team members. Why they live together and are usually seen in each other’s company. He didn't see how color and alcohol disappear from the faces of his friends with every word he spoke.

After this event, nothing was the same again. There were no more friendly meetings and common jokes. There was open dislike and ignorance. While Kuroo could deal with negative comments in his own way, Sawamura seemed to grow more and more introverted.

And all because he couldn't keep his tongue behind his teeth.

(´•ω•̥`)

Sawamura sighed, adjusting his bag - another weak training. Kuroo walked next to him writing a message on his cell phone. They both only dreamed about returning home and forgetting of all the unpleasantness that happened earlier. However, before they passed through the crossing, they felt an additional weight on their shoulders and a loud welcome from Bokuto.  
“HEY HEY HEY! Where are you running to?! Let’s go eat something! I’m paying!”  
“No thanks, no ...” Daichi began cautiously but was silenced by Tetsurou’s elbow.  
“On you?”  
“On me! You must relax!“  
“If you pay, we will not refuse,” Kuroo replied amused, letting himself be dragged towards the friend’s favorite pub.  
“I don’t know if this is a good idea ...” Sawamura muttered uncertainly, trying to break free from the owl’s grip.  
“Come on, Dai. He needs it. You know he has this stupid feeling that he must apologize to us every time they say something to us. And besides, he’s right. We need this.”  
He said nothing. He sighed in surrender. He had known Bokuto for several years and had heard his apologies almost daily since the memorable event. No matter how many times they told him not to worry, he still could not forgive himself.  
“What was it about today’s training?” Koutarou blurted when a beer landed on the table.  
“Listen Kou-tan! Daichi doesn’t blush anymore when I flirt with him! He’s awful!!” Kuroo dramatically hung on the brunette , who only rolled his eyes in response.  
“How can you Sawa! To hurt my friend in such a bestial way!” Bokuto turned in theatrical resentment at the smaller man, smashing his hand on a table.  
“Don’t call me Sawa, beside I'm not a 15 years old to blush at his every attempt to flirt with me. It’s not a BL manga where guys are blushing about everything their crush is doing to them.”  
Kuroo snorted with laughter, and Bokuto smiled softly, slowly sipping his beer. He liked to watch his friends who never let him feel he was unwelcome.  
“I’m sorry ...”  
Kuroo and Sawamura smiled in response without intending to enter the subject again. It was impossible to change the past, they could only try to sort out what is here and now.

  
(´•ω•̥`)

  
The smaller brunette came out of the bathroom lazily wiping his hair, while Tetsurou sat on the bed playing with their dog, completely ignoring the whole environment.  
“Tetsu you know the rule. The dog is not allowed on the bed.“  
“But Daichi! This is our son! He’s a family member! We can’t just throw him out of bed! It’s not ethical!“ He moaned with theatrical tears, hugging the Akita Inu, who only wagged his tail in response to the tenderness.  
“Seriously?” Daichi shook his head in disbelief as he sat on the edge. “Tetsu…“  
“Hm?”  
“Thanks ... We needed it.”  
“Ho ho ho ...”  
The dog looked at his owners wearily and realized that the caresses would not come back; he jumped off the bed heading for his own bed. Kuroo looked at his boyfriend, wondering if he should say something, or wait until he choked out what was in his heart.  
“Don’t you regret it?” Daichi asked suddenly, not even turning around, as if he were ashamed of his own thoughts.  
“What? This is quite a general question.”  
“Breaking up with your ex ...You planned the wedding ...” He did not dare to say her name. It would make him feel even worse than he already was. It was easier to refer her as simple ‘ex’ rather than the person with a name that he had known and used to talk while eating his meals.  
“But then you appeared and seduced me. Poor me, condemned to be gay.” He replied sarcastically, combing his hair with frustration. “Listen Daichi, I know that for several years I wrote and talked about finding the love of my life. At the time it seemed real. Our dates were pleasant, she was pretty and understanding. I had nothing to complain about. Even Kenma was impressed. My dad was a little less. But at when we started to live together, our flaws obscured the goods. You yourself were witnessing how we argued. It’s not like you came out of nowhere and seduced me. Rather, I seduced you. I know that I will never understand your feelings, but I will never regret putting everything on one card to be with you.”  
Kuroo saw the delicate trembling of Sawamura’s body, hearing a soft sob escape him. The only thing he could do in such a situation was to hug him and give him a feeling that he was with him. He did not lie. He knew his relationship with Shiba was falling apart, yet he did not fight for it. He accepted them breaking up with relief and a sense of freedom. The person who supported him after the breakup was Daichi. He was a witness to his drunkenness, aggression, and tears. Although he did not understand why he was so depressed back then, because he did not love Shiba as much as he thought he did. He did not feel lonely or aggrieved, especially since it was all his fault. And yet he sat on the sofa every evening and drank. Maybe he was crying on behalf of Daichi, who had never cried in front of him for his lost family. Daichi had nowhere to go back. Kuroo and Bokuto had become his only family.

  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
“ _Iwaizumi! I ... I have to tell you something ... These four years were the best for me ... I didn’t think playing with someone outside of Karasuno would give me so much pleasure ...”  
“Sawamura you are in even worse condition than Oikawa.”  
“I know..Fuck... I’m sorry ...”  
“Relax, let it out.”  
“I love you ... I don’t know how it happened, but I fell in love with you ...”  
“...” Disgusting.  
“Please ... I’m begging you! Say something ... Anything.”  
“I’m sorry Sawamura, you’re a great guy_ _. P_ _laying with you was a pleasure, but I’m not able to reciprocate your feelings ... I already have someone I love.”_  
  
He woke up breathless and covered in sweat. From the time he got the message, the dream retuns every night like the ghosts of the past which do not want to be forgotten.  
“A bad dream?” The sleepy voice next to him spoke, bringing him to reality.  
“Yes, about a cat thief.” He grunted in response, picking up his pillow from his lover’s hands.  
“I’m sorry, an old habit ...” He laughed unconsciously shifting slightly.  
“No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend. It’s because of this habit that they break up with you every time you invited them to your home. “  
“You’re mean.” He sniffed in fake distress, which alarmed Daichi, who did not catch Kuroo’s acting.  
“Oh, I’m so...” But before he could finish whatever he would say, his mouth was closed by Kuroo’s lips in a passionate kiss. Their bodies once again entwined, completely chasing away the bitter aftertaste of the nightmare.  
It always was that way. Every time Daichi woke up from a nightmare, Kuroo kissed him until he forgot his fears and doubts.

(´•ω•̥`)

He entered the darkened jazz cafe, looking at the stage where the musicians were getting ready to perform. He smiled softly as he moved toward the table where Bokuto sat wrapped in some fluffy blanket, with a glass of some alcohol in his hand. At the table, there were already standing shisha ready to use. He got to know this place thanks to Kai, who was so courteous as to invite him once for a friendly date. This calmness, which prevailed in the room along with a note of melancholy, induced that he quickly felt at home. Not much time passed before he brought Bokuto and Kuroo here. While Kuroo decided that the place was okay, but not in his climate, since he did not like a cat-like rasping as he called it, but Bokuto was completely enchanted. When the evening came to their conversations, they always went here.  
He sat at the table, noticing the friend’s swollen and sunken eyes quickly. He did not like this view; it did not fit the loud owl in any aspect.  
“Hey.” He said calmly reaching for the menu.  
“Yo. I thought you wouldn’t come.”  
“I had to go out with a dog for a walk before I could come here.”  
“Kuroo couldn’t?” Bokuto struggled with a smile, trying to be pouty, but instead he looked even more miserable.  
“Kuroo went to meet his family.” He replied with a slight smile. He was happy that his partner had a supporting family no matter what.  
While they ordered their snacks and alcohol, they listened to the performance of the musicians for a good amount of time. Sawamura wondered how the conversation would look like. He could never predict how it would end, what string Koutarou would pull, causing an avalanche of emotions he did not want to feel.  
“Tell me how you’re doing,” The ace said abruptly, stirring the whiskey in the glass.  
Daichi weighed his possibilities of shrugging his problems aside to just listen to his friend, but looking at Bokuto, who didn’t even had the strength to joke about his horrible sweater, made him feel that maybe he need to vent to someone. He knew from experience that listening to others' problems can make you forget about your own.  
“I received an invitation from Suga to meet old Karasuno.” He said leisurely, playing with shisha.  
“That’s great! You will remember old times, and can rest from me and Kuroo.”  
“I don’t know if I will go. I have refused so far.”  
“Why? I’m sure Suga will be happy to put you up for the night.” Bokuto toyed with the glass, surprised by the behavior of the brunette.  
“I don’t know if I will be welcome there ...”  
“Why not? You are their beloved captain! Since Konoha is happy to meet with me, I see no reason for Karasuno to condemn you. I bet any money that Hinata will be happy to see you!”  
Sawamura smiled spontaneously when he heard his friend’s words. It’s been so many years, but for Bokuto, Hinata was still his beloved pupil.  
“I’d like to believe it ...”  
“You should go and convince yourself. If they let you feel that you aren’t welcome, then you will have a solid argument to refuse further visits. And does Kuroo know?”  
“No ... If I would tell him, he would definitely tell me to go.”  
“Well, he would be right. Tokyo is cool, but ... It’s your friends Sawa ... The fact you are now in a relationship with a man doesn’t mean that throughout high school that you looked at them as potential lovers. I don’t believe that they could turn away from you because you want to spend the rest of your with a man.”  
He laughed under his breath trying to believe his words. The fact that he fell in love with a man surprised even him. For 20 years, he believed he would spend his life with a nice wife and two children. He wanted to be just like everyone around him. He did not plan this love. He always believed in a better tomorrow, but when his belongings were at the door from day to day, and people who had so far shown support in every decision he made had turned away from him, he lost faith that someone would accept him.  
“Something else is bothering you, right?” Koutarou poured himself some whiskey, looking carefully at the dark-haired man.  
“Since when are you so smart?”  
“I always was. I hid it. Well then? What’s happening?”  
“Bad dreams.”  
Bokuto looked at him expectantly, to further develop his thoughts. Sawamura sighed heavily, feeling as though he is in a losing position. He had no chance to miss this topic. He knew Bokuto would tell no one, not even Kuroo. And yet, facing the past was much harder than he wanted.  
“The last day of studies. How I confessed to Iwaizumi my feelings.” Koutarou raised only his eyebrows in a silent question. “My dream looks different from reality. As I was studying, Iwaizumi was in a relationship with Rin. I saw her at our matches, I knew about their love and plans for the future. When I discovered my feelings for him, I didn’t intend to tell him anything. After all, he was in love with Rin and they were expecting a baby. I was in a lost position, friendship with him was enough.”  
  
_He entered the gym excited about the prospect of a new stage of playing volleyball. New friends, new opponents, and the same adrenaline. He was curious to see what his new training plan would look like. He headed for the coach who was talking to his assistant and the captain of the team. However, before he reached that area, he saw the familiar figure of Seijou’s Ace from the corner of his eye.  
“Iwaizumi?!” He shouted surprised, automatically directing his steps towards him.  
Iwaizumi raised his eyebrows, but his expression quickly turned into dissatisfaction. Most likely, he was still remembering their last match. Maybe he should not try to make friends with him right now.  
“Hajime!” A warm woman’s voice and a quiet grunt of a man came to his ears. Only now he noticed the girl next to the man.  
“Sawamura-san! I’m sorry for him. Sometimes he can behave like a child.”  
“RIN!” Iwaizumi moaned mortified.  
He smiled casually at the sight. The facial features of the chestnut-haired were clearly softened under the influence of the girl, looking much more sympathetic than he could have expected.  
“That's nothing. I would probably act like that in his place, “he replied amused, stopping in front of them.  
“Look after him Sawamura-san. Maybe he looks a little unpleasant, but in fact, Hajime has a golden heart.”Rin bowed low_ _,_ _abashing her boyfriend, who hid his face in hands.  
“I will do what I can.” He returned the bow, not knowing how to hold his mouth to avoid smiling.  
“I’m going now. Good luck Hajime and Sawamura-san!”_  
  
“So you don’t know about the existence of Rin in your dreams?”  
“That’s how it looks.”  
  
_He left the locker room drinking water from another bottle. This match was extremely hard, but eventually, they won. He had not felt so uplifted in a long time. Even becoming a captain again did not bother him much. Finally, they had a coach, and the rest of the team was much easier to grasp than Karasuno. When Iwaizumi appeared in the main hall, he felt his heart leap at the sight of the smile that was pointing to the brunette in front of him. How could he tell him about his feelings when he was so happy with Rin? He knew him; he knew he would be concerned over his condition.  
“Sawamura-san! Congratulations! “Rin shouted happily at him, waving shyly.  
He smiled at her, not knowing exactly what to do with himself.  
“Sawamura, stop isolating yourself, Rin will not eat you.” Iwaizumi laughed, tenderly embracing his fiancée who chewed her cheeks in pique._  
  
“But wait. You never told him about your feelings? “  
“No. Never. Although he probably knows about them. “  
“Did you tell Kuroo about it?”  
“No... He would say something like, I have to confess my feelings to start living with a new love. I don’t want Tetsu to think I don’t love him and that I’m with him because it’s easier.”  
“I see ... It’s probable ... But why did you run away if you didn’t tell him your feelings?”  
  
“ _Daichi is everything all right? You' seemed absent lately.” Yui sat next to him and put two cups of tea on the table.  
“It’s fine. Just, the studies are tiring.” He replied evasively, reaching for his drink.  
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything, right?”  
He smiled in response, knowing very well that she would never understand what was happening in his heart. Maybe it would be easier for her to accept that he loves another woman rather than that he loves spending time with another man. Even in his head, it sounded ridiculous.  
“I love you, Daichi.”  
He closed his eyes, trying not to shout or cry. How could he keep doing this to her? Yui did not deserve it.  
“Mhmm ... I love you too.”_  
  
“After high school, I got involved with Yui. It felt nice to be with her, I couldn’t grumble about it. But a few months after graduating from the university, during sex, I was blown away by the incident of ‘Iwaizumi’... You can imagine her reaction. Everyone quickly found out about my preferences.”  
Bokuto grimaced at the image of what had to happen after something like that. He could only sympathize with the brunette over this emotional mess.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Such a life. It’s not that you have better. “  
“Depends on how you look at it ... But you don’t regret it?”  
  
“ _Rin will not mind that_ if _you go for a beer with me like that?”  
“Rin is not one of those women. She is very understanding. I’m lucky that she fell in love with me.” Iwaizumi smiled warmly_ _,_ _looking at his phone on which he was finishing the message to Rin.  
“Lucky.” He replied with bitterness, hiding his hands in pockets.  
“Luck will smile at you too.” He answered flicking him on the forehead. “Remember that you can always count on me in any need.”_  
  
“I think I sometimes regret not telling him anything ... Iwaizumi would definitely reject me, but he wouldn’t tell anyone. He is not someone who would laugh at someone’s feelings. “  
“Are you afraid to go to this rally because of him?”  
“It’s probably like that ... I’m afraid to meet him on the street, happy with child and wife. I’m afraid of what he would say. Maybe he would comment about my love for him ... It’s just my imagination about him. Maybe he actually is homophobic. Or even worse, I would throw myself in his arms and destroy my life again. “  
“Sawa ... How would you destroy your life?”  
“Because if I did it, how could I go back to Tetsu?! I love him ... I really love him. If not Tetsu, I don’t know what would have happened to me. How could I return to Tetsu, who gave up normality for me, knowing that my heart would never be his?”  
Daichi covered his face with his hands, sobbing spasmodically. He felt like an emotional mess. He loved Tetsurou, but his heart still wanted the green-eyed ace that had stolen his heart before he knew it.  
“You love them both ...” Bokuto whispered more to himself than to him. He tried to understand it. However, he could not. He had never felt something like that. He could not love two people at the same time. He was an egoist who could not share someone he loves, even with his best friend.  
“I know, it’s fucked up ... Why can't I forget about him?!”  
“I would like to know why we can't forget ...”

  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
He read the letter from Suga once more, wondering what he should do. Everything in him screamed to once again refuse, to not expose himself to bigger drama than he already was in. He wanted to live with good memories. He did not want to meet with the former team, and understand that those days will never come back. It’s the only thing he has left. In pensive thought, he did not hear Kuroo coming in, along with clattering claws over the floor.  
“What a great view. My princess waiting for a kiss that will awaken her from the curse. “Kuroo stood over him with his typical devilishly smirk.  
He laughed, putting the letter aside. He extended his arms in an inviting gesture and the tall brunette did not ignore that. Immediately their lips met with a tender kiss.  
“Are you still reading the letter from Suga-chan?” He asked intrigued, reaching for the crumpled sheet of paper. “Don’t say he invited you to the wedding?!”  
“Not yet. Although that is probably a matter of the coming years.”  
“I need to buy a new suit.” He laid down next to him, reading the letter carefully. Sawamura held his breath, feeling that his heart would pop out of his chest at any moment. However, he could no longer avoid this conversation.  
“Wow ... And here I was wondering why Karasuno didn't have any rallies...” He put down the letter, sitting up. Sawamura was silent, feeling even worse. He lied to him, and now everything came to the light. “I need some to take a fresh air.”  
Kuroo stood up, combing his hair lazily. He ignored the dog, who was uncertainly wagging his tail with a silent question about another walk, instead going straight to the door and exiting outside. Sawamura was left alone with his thoughts.  
Daichi curled up on the bed, hugging the brunette's pillow, letting himself sob a little. He did not want to lose Kuroo, but he did not know what to do.  
  
_Life in Tokyo was completely different than in Miyagi. On the one hand, it helped him push the unpleasant thoughts aside, focusing on what came out best for him. The career of professional volleyball player was only a quiet hope, something that had little chance of accomplishment, but thanks to the help of Kuroo and Bokuto_ _,_ _he got onto a good team and played in tournaments.  
On the other hand, when he was alone with himself, the past came back with double power, plunging him into a feeling of unimaginable loss.  
Slowly sipping another glass of sake, he did not hear the door being opened;did not feel the couch bend under the influence of additional weight. It was only the touch that awoke him from his lethargy. He looked surprised at the brunette who was watching him anxiously.  
“You came back?” He said confused_ _,_ _putting the glass on the table. “I thought the meeting with Nekoma would take longer.”  
“No one wanted to get drunk,” he replied banterly, reaching for a bottle of alcohol. “You could go with me. At least you wouldn’t drink with yourself.”  
“I didn’t want to disturb you. It’s your team, not mine.” He smiled forcefully, moving slightly away from Kuroo.  
“Come on, Daichi. It’s primarily our friends. There is no division between mine and yours.”  
“I know... But somehow... Maybe next time.”  
Kuroo put down the empty bottle on the table without taking his companion from his eyes. Ignoring the clear signs of discomfort in Sawamura’s body language, he approached even more by touching his cheeks gently.  
“What are you doing?” Daichi pale-faced, tried to get up, but the taller brunette pressed him to the sofa, suppressing his attempt.“Kuroo?!”  
“Why are you avoiding my eyesight, Daichi?”  
“Huh?!” Panicked, he looked around Kuroo’s face for signs of his typical smiles.  
“Am I not good enough?”  
He did not know what to say, or even what to think about it. Kuroo had been flirting with him for the past months, but it was a friendly joke, right?  
“Can I not be your family?”  
He felt tears come to his eyes despite all his will to choke them. He did not want to break up and make himself look like a victim. He could not bear Kuroo’s goodness, he had no right to do so; he had no right to destroy his life.  
He opened his mouth to answer, but a gentle kiss silenced him. Kuroo’s mouth was not Yui’s mouth, it was not small and delicate. Kuroo was a predator, lusty and incessant in his attack. When he finally moved away from him, there was no sighing or moaning in the room. Terrified, he stared at Kuroo’s eyes, which expressed something he had never seen there before. It was the sight that Yui gave him after each kiss.  
“I love you, Daichi.” Kuroo practically whispered, hugging him.  
He did not know how long he had laid in the arms of the brunette, sobbing softly._  
  
He got out of bed and wiped tears from his eyes. Nothing has changed since then. He always just ran away from problems and pain. He waited like a princess in the tower until others solve his problems, until someone pulls him in the right direction. He put on his shoes and ran outside, heading to the playground that he used to come to with Kuroo at the beginning of his stay in Tokyo. Deserted, it introduced a climate of horror at night, but it was also the best place to observe the stars.  
Breathless, he stopped at the entrance of the square and looked at the brunette who swayed lazily. He was clearly too big for the children’s swings. He came to him, trying to control his troubled heart.  
“Hey.” He said timidly, sitting on the other swing. He could hear the chains creaking under his weight. He could not even sit on the seat, but he did not intend to admit defeat.  
“You don’t fit Daichi. Your butt is not so small anymore, huh? “Kuroo replied, with soft teasing, but his face still looked troubled.  
“You don’t fit either. Legs are too long to swing.”  
“That’s true ... We’re not children anymore ... Or teenagers. We are 30 years old Daichi ...”  
He lowered his eyes feeling like an idiot. At such an age, he should have a wife, or at least a fiancée, and some plans for the future. When he was a high school student, he thought he would have at least one child and a good job near 30. Life, however, had its own plans for him.  
“When I went to Karasuno, I liked girls with big breasts.”  
“Seriously? I didn’t know you were such a pervert. “  
“I was just a teenager. Not everyone dreams of a girl with long hair.”  
“At least it's real. What is a big bust after all?! “He resentfully turned to him while inflating his cheeks.  
“I don’t know ... Just big ...”  
“I’m sorry that I don’t have a big bust.”  
“Don’t worry. I like yours too.” He smiled provocatively, rubbing Kuroo’s head. “I’m really sorry, Tetsu...”  
Kuroo did not answer, waiting in silence until the dark-haired man would continue his thought.  
“I didn’t tell you about these rallies, because ... I didn’t want to go there. I don’t want to spoil my memories. Karasuno is an important part of my life, I’m afraid of clashing with their questions and reactions to my current life. I’m afraid to go there ... Suga may have come to terms with the fact I spend my life with a man, but I don’t know how...”  
“Daichi.” He interrupted him sharply, frowning in displeasure. “What do you mean, he came to terms? Suga-chan is your friend, right? “  
“Sure, yes ... But when my parents ... threw me out of the house, I went to him, hoping he would understand me and give me shelter until I came up with a plan on what to do next. Instead I encountered misunderstanding. He said he could find a psychiatrist, that he heard it can be healed.”  
Daichi looked uncertainly at the brunette, who was biting his lip from the overload of emotions. He did not like talking about the past, especially about what happened on the day he lost almost everything.  
  
_He knocked on the door unsteadily. He could only thank the heavens that Suga moved away from his parents during his studies and lived alone now. His hands were still shaking, but fortunately, he stopped himself from crying. The door opened after a while_ _,_ _presenting Sugawara dressed in a tracksuits with a cellphone in his hand.  
“Daichi! What are you doing here? “He asked surprised, hiding the phone in his pocket.  
“Sorry for such a sudden visit ... I was wondering if you could let me stay for a few days?”  
“Daichi ... Maybe you should talk to your parents? It’s a misunderstanding. Since I've know you, you have liked girls. You are simply overworked. If you want, I can look for a doctor_ _._ _I’m sure it is not too late ... “  
“What are you talking about Suga?!” he interjected_ _._ _He was shaking, feeling like the earth was slowly breaking under his feet.  
“About the fact that you’re gay ... Daichi it can be cured.”  
“How do you know about that?” He murmured softly.  
“Michimiya wrote to me.”  
He turned on his heel, fleeing from the friend who was calling after him._  
  
“He was in shock ... He wanted what's good for me, but back then I was completely depressed.” He said quietly, looking at Kuroo anxiously.  
“I’m sorry...”  
“Tetsu?” He asked after a moment of silence. The brunette raised his head, looking at him questioningly. “I'm going to leave the team.”  
“WHAT?! Why?! I know you have not been performing well lately, but Daichi ...”  
“Tetsu, we are 30 years old... We aren’t young, we are getting older, and I’m getting worse. I will find a normal job. “  
“But...”  
“Tetsu... You know it’s the best solution.”  
Kuroo snorted under his breath as he got up from the swing with a loud grunt, as he could not get out from the claws of the chain. Offended, he looked at the giggling brunette, sighing as he turned his eyes up at the sky, where he barely could see any stars.  
“Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t mean that I can just accept it. You love volleyball, just like me! You have a drop in form because you think too much! If you would learn to ignore these fucking homophobic...!”  
“That’s the best way Tetsu.” He replied calmly, barely able to stand up .  
“I know ... I know ...” He put his arms around him as if he was afraid that he would disappear. “Don’t leave me Daichi.”  
He smiled tenderly, hugging him. Sometimes his boyfriend could be really cute. “I’m leaving the team. Not you.”  
“I know... But sometimes... Sometimes it seems to me that if I let you out of my sight, you will disappear...”  
Sawamura said nothing, he knew perfectly well what Kuroo was thinking. He did not know just how to convince him that despite all the depressing thoughts that sometimes attacked him, he did not want to die. Especially since they started dating.  
“I will not disappear. I promise.”

  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
“You should go there,” Kuroo said abruptly from the plate.  
“Where?” Daichi asked , not understanding what his boyfriend might be talking about.  
“At this Karasuno gathering. Duh. “He replied impatiently , still not looking at him.  
“Oh ...”  
“You should tell them that you are my happy wife.”  
Kuroo laughed at the sight of Sawamura’s face, which definitely was not laughable. Daichi dug a pillow out of the kotatsu and threw it at him.  
“Oh Daichi, don’t be angry. It was just an innocent joke.” He smiled apologetically. “You should go there and just talk. You don’t have to talk about our relationship.”  
“Do you think they don’t know?” He replied resentfully.  
“I don’t know ... But maybe they will have enough brains to not touch this topic. Don’t throw out your friends because of ordinary fear.”  
“I don’t think it would be a good decision.”  
“Daichi, you cannot live with only memories from high school for the rest of your life. Don’t you want to take part in their lives?”  
He grunted while sitting next to him. He did not want only to remember his old friends all his life, he also wanted to be part of their lives, their important moments. Kuroo embraced him fondly, flattening himself like a cat.  
“Okay, I’m going to this rally.” He muttered quietly hugging the brunette, feeling the need to recharge his batteries.  
He did not know by what a miracle he deserved Kuroo, but he was grateful to the gods for meeting him. Kuroo gave him affection and saved him from himself. The dog watched them from his bed, wagging his tail uncertainly. He liked to see his owners in good moods; he got many more goodies then.  
Kuroo lay down on the ground, pulling the brunette with him, who with a surprised yelp, allowed him to be embraced and kissed. Daichi laughed a few minutes later, unable to withstand the tenderness.  
“What are you doing Tetsu?!”  
“I’m getting a daily dose of love for a spare.”  
“I will not be here for like three days. Besides, it was you that told me that I should go!”  
“I know, but that doesn’t mean I won't miss you.”  
He smiled, hugging the brunette with all his strength. They were not teenagers, but in such moments, he felt like a young brat who cannot get enough of his love. He was used to spending time with Kuroo, seeing him every day. He did not know how these three days of separation would affect him. He was afraid to go to the rally without Kuroo. It was easier to deal with daily ills thanks to Tetsurou. 

  
  
“ _Sa’mura!” The door opened rapidly, letting a breath of fresh air into the room. Taken aback, he sat on the bed, trying to look normal.  
“Kuroo? What’s going on?” He asked, confused, adjusting his shirt.  
“We’re going out to play volleyball. How much longer are you going to stay in this room? Even Rei asked if you were still alive. “  
“Training?”  
“Yes! Collect yourself. It's time to revive yourself. Didn’t you say you wanted to start a new life in Tokyo? “  
He grimaced, digging out of the bed with difficulty. He did not want to go anywhere, especially after the news he had been receiving for several days. He thought Suga would understand him, or at least show some support.  
“Sa’mura! If you don’t move, I will take you to practice in princess style!”  
Pale, he grabbed the bag and followed the tall dark-haired man. He picked up his phone automatically to look at LINE news when Kuroo pulled the device out of his hand and put it in his bag.  
“Focus on me today, okay?”  
“Shouldn’t you say such things to your girlfriend?” He replied quirky, allowing himself to be dragged to the subway station with no objections.  
“Today I’m only yours.” Kuroo smiled at him amused, not releasing his hand even for a moment._  
  
“Just don’t cheat on me with anyone!” Kuroo hugged him tightly, sobbing dramatically.  
“Nobody would want me, Tetsu.” He smiled to himself while embracing Kuroo.  
“Just come back to us, Sawa!!” Bokuto burst into tears, hugging both friends.  
“Bokuto, you will choke us with your love ...” Daichi choked out through laughter.  
There was an announcement from the loudspeakers about the impending departure of the train to Sendai, interrupting the tender farewell. Kuroo kissed his boyfriend for the last time and watched his silhouette disappearing behind the train's door. Bokuto waved like a madman, hoping that after three days he would hear a ton of positive stories.  
“I didn’t think you would let him go alone,” Bokuto spoke after a moment, when the train disappeared from sight.  
“And what was I supposed to do? Daichi never told me why he came to Tokyo properly. It was not until a few days ago that he had given me some scraps. There’s a guy in Miyagi that Daichi fell in love with ... “ He muttered softly, clenching his hands.  
Bokuto was silent for a long moment, feeling terribly aware that he knew everything, and yet he could say nothing. He wanted to assure Kuroo that Sawamura’s first love was in the past, but that would only be a lie.  
“You know, you never told him that you were crushing on him already in high school ...” He said with a beaming grin.  
“Kou-tan!” He moaned embarrassedly, moving toward the exit.  
“Just kidding ...?” Surprised, he ran after him, trying to persuade him into further confessions. “Really?! YOU DON’T SAY!”  
“Shut up...”  


(´•ω•̥`)

Daichi felt his stomach come to his throat. The journey alone was beyond his strength. He wanted to get off at the nearest station and return to Tokyo. He loved his past. He adored the three years he spent in Karasuno, and the next four years at university were also happy. If only the eclipse of his mind did not go into the realm of dreams during sex with Yui, he would now be her husband, and probably the father of a child or two. He would have a family, and friends with whom he would meet and play volleyball with for the next generations. Only, would he be happier than he is now? He would create a happy life on a lie, lying to everyone, including himself.  
He drank the water from the bottle , trying to calm his nausea. He did not think that one rally could give him such stress. Returning to the past should be nostalgic , but above all , happy.  
  
“ _Sawamura-san!” A female voice called him from the other end of the alley, scaring him slightly. He turned to look at Rin_ _,_ _who ran toward him.  
“Honda-san?” He moaned in embarrassment, looking for a sign of her lover.  
“I didn’t think we would meet during shopping!” Blushing from the effort, she stopped before him with the basket already full. “It is a gift of fate that I see you! Will you help me choose a gift for Hajime? “  
“A gift?” He knocked, hiding behind _ a set of knee pads _behind his back.  
“His birthday is approaching, so I want to give him something. Something male. Hajime always says he needs nothing, but you know how it is.”  
He nodded understandingly. He himself could not imagine not giving a gift to a loved one. And despite his feelings, he let himself be drawn into shopping with a Iwaizumi’s fiancée. He laughed at her stories_ _,_ _and told various anecdotes_ _,_ _completely without worrying about how she would react to them. In the company of Rin, it was easy to lose yourself and forget about all worries. After two hours_ _,_ _they fell tired into the chairs in the café_ _,_ _ordering hot drinks and snacks to recharge their batteries.  
“ _ Thanks for going with _me, Sawamura-san. It must have been terribly boring.”  
“Not at all! Iwaizumi isn’t so open about himself. It’s nice to meet him from a different perspective.”  
Rin smiled serenely, glancing at the guests sitting a few tables away.  
“Could I ask you for a favor?”  
“Sure.” He replied lightly, watching the two men that took Rin's attention.  
“Don’t let Hajime do something stupid. Take care of him in difficult times.”  
He looked at her surprised, wondering what she meant by that. Did Rin know about his feelings for Iwaizumi, or did she mean something else? However, he did not have the courage to ask her this question. Instead, he nodded, and she only answered with a mysterious smile, sipping her tea._  
  
He rubbed his eyes, feeling extremely tired. He suspected that memories of Iwaizumi would fill his head, but he did not think that it would overwhelm him. Maybe if Rin was like Shiba, wild and a terse, it would have been easier for him to force himself to dislike her. However, Rin was kind and understanding. She judged no one and was always ready to help. If he fell in love with anyone else, he would probably have flown to Iwaizumi that day and would have been accepted and helped.  
If only he had not fallen in love with the chestnutd-haired man, he would not have this feeling of guilt. He sighed heavily, getting up with difficulty. Getting off at Sendai has become a reality, not a nightmarish end to the journey. Compared to Tokyo, Sendai was covered with snow. He flinched from the cold, fastening his jacket to his chin.  
“Daichi!” A well-known male voice spoke somewhere in the crowd, drawing his attention. He looked around at the spreading crowd, finding the figure he knew.  
“Suga.” He said neutrally, slowly approaching. “I didn’t expect you to come for me.”  
“Oh, don’t be so uptight! You bet I'll come for my friend.” He hit Daichi's arm while smiling innocently. Years ago, that smile was a harbinger of more blows.  
“That’s nice of you.” He murmured quietly, walking a few steps behind him towards the parking lot.  
“Daichi ...” Suga stopped in front of his little Honda, turning to him with a painful expression on his face. “I’m sorry. Back then when you came ... I ... I was shocked ... From high school, I cheered on you and Yui ... I could not believe what she said and wrote. I just couldn’t accept it. I’m sorry I didn’t act like a good friend.”  
He felt tears come to his eyes. The bitterness, which he buried under good memories, came back with a redoubled force, destroying him completely. He wanted to… scream, cry and run away. With all his strength, he stopped all these emotions by forcing himself to smile.  
“I know Suga. I don’t mind.”  
Suga wrinkled his nose in disbelief, but said nothing. He got in the car, writing something on the phone. Daichi sat in the back seat looking at the landscape outside the window. Somehow he did not feel special nostalgia or longing. He only felt fear awakening in him. How many people did Yui write to about the reasons for their breakup?  
“I wrote to everyone that you will appear this year! They were surprised ...”  
Sugawara told him about preparations for the rally, but Daichi could not focus on his words. Everything seemed to him as an abstraction. He left Miyagi at the age of 22, being mentally closer to a teenager than to an adult man. Now he was an old guy associated with another man, with whom instead of a child, he has a dog while also being unemployed. On the day when he resigned, he saw in the eyes of the team a certain joy and relief. It was a long time since he felt as unnecessary as it was at that moment. Even the coach expressed no regrets about his decision. There was nothing to boast about at the rally, maybe only a good physique, which will soon disappear with the lack of training.  
“Suga, aren’t we going the wrong way?” He asked suddenly, realizing he did not recognize the area outside the window.  
“I moved to a modest home. I don’t live in a block of flats anymore.” He replied resignedly, realizing that he had been talking to himself for the past fifteen minutes.  
“Ah ... I understand. That makes sense.”  
“I wanted to find something in the area of Karasuno, but there was nothing at a reasonable price, so I decided to live in this area.”  
“Being a teacher must be tiring.”  
Sugawara laughed at the mere memory of some students who led him to doubt the existence of his own common sense. Now he understood the pain of teachers who had to face such students as Hinata every day. However, Daichi’s expression expressed no special excitement or even interest in deepening the subject. He could only suspect that his friend was trying to silence the fear that now dominates him.  
“You know having Hinata on the team prepared me for the worst.” He replied cheerfully, parked in front of a small house that was built in the western style.  
Daichi got out of the car looking at the building with intrigue.  
“Don’t say there are no such buildings in Tokyo...”  
“They are ... Of course, there are. But I didn’t expect such a view here.”  
“Miyagi isn’t that far from Tokyo ...” He muttered grumpily, heading to the door.  
Daichi smiled for the first time at the mention of the same words spoken to Nekoma during the Spring tournament. Sugawara noticed the change on the face of his friend, and sighed with relief, opening the door wide. As soon as they entered, Daichi met face-to-face with the former manager of Fukurodani.  
“We're back.” Suga said casually, kissing the girl on the cheek.  
“Finally! I didn’t know how much longer I could have waited!” Impatiently, she moved toward the stairs, letting the dark-haired man know that he should follow her.  
Daichi walked uncertainly up the stairs, wondering what else he had missed. During those seven years, the only person who wrote to him was Suga. For the New Year, he also received a message from Iwaizumi, but it was more from tradition than real need to write to him. Although he exchanged some information with his former setter, he was never even informed of this mysterious fiancée. Even Bokuto did not say anything to him.  
“Somehow, I feel betrayed ...” he muttered as he entered the guest room, in which there was only a bed and a modest wardrobe.  
“Koushi wanted to surprise you. I made Bokuto not tell you anything. Where did you think we got your address? “She snorted amusedly, closing the window.  
“Double betrayed ... “He put the backpack next to the bed, looking at the girl uncertainly.  
“I’ll go shopping. Then I will prepare a large dinner, and you better start this male conversation with Koushi.” she said imperiously, stepping out of the room with a loud crack. He listened to the heated exchange of words in partial shock. He remembered Shinofuku from the training camp ... Especially her wolf-like appetite. How did she end up with Suga? Didn’t Suga have a crush on Shimizu? Who didn't have a crush on her? He sighed, falling on the bed. Resigned, he looked at the phone, puffing his cheeks with impatience. Kuroo should write back to him.  
He heard a soft knock on the door. He sat up with difficulty trying to quickly prepare for the male conversation. Maybe putting a pillow under his shirt would not be such a bad idea... Sugawara opened the door uncertainly, going inside. He did not resemble that self-confident setter who could raise himself even from him if he thought something was going wrong. “I know you would like to rest before tomorrow, but no... You probably have some questions ...” He sat next to him, blushing slightly.  
“Um ... I think so? I mean ... How? I thought you and Shimizu ... I mean, did you plan this?” Confused, he mumbled too fast to even understand his words, feeling more and more like an idiot. Sugawara chuckled loudly, laying on the bed. Daichi looked at him, clearly offended by the unusual reaction.  
“We all loved Shimizu. In university times, I confessed my feelings and got rejected.”  
“You said nothing ...”  
“It wasn’t really a reason to be happy. It devastated me. And you and Yui were in a good relationship, and I felt like I was in a losing position. I had nothing to boast about. I didn’t have a girlfriend, I was studying to become a teacher. I was just the embodiment of being lame.”  
“No offense, but becoming a teacher is something you should be proud of. And my relationship with Yui wasn’t so ... successful.” They fell silent, clearly embarrassed by the conversation. Daichi wanted to hit his head for commenting on his relationship with Yui.  
  
“ _Sawamura ... I ... Ah!” Michimiya covered her face with her hands, blushing to the very ends of her ears.  
“Are you all right, Michimiya?” He asked worried, coming closer.  
“I am! I ... Um... C-could I... get your second button from your shirt?” She spoke with difficulty_ _,_ _looking around them.  
“Sure. But I don’t think it would be useful ...” He replied amused, picking up the desired button.  
“It will be a sweet memory of the boy who was my first love ...”  
“Eh?!” he __embarrasedly cried_ _o_ _ut, feeling his cheeks flush with crimson. He did not expect it. He never noticed the feelings_ _she was giving him_ _...  
“I’m sorry! I didn’t want to say that! Don’t worry about it ... I know I have no chance...”  
“Michimiya ... You’re doing it again. I don’t think you don’t have any chances at all.”  
He watched tears flow from her eyes, but Yui smiled happily. Why hadn’t he noticed before that she was really cute?_  
  
“In any case, I met Yukie at one congress of young teachers. We stayed together for the entire boring event, and we got to know each other better. I don’t know how it all happened, but before I noticed, I was buying a house and arranging it with Yukie.”He laughed uncertainly, scratching his neck nervously.  
“Anything else I should know?” He smiled gently, actually enjoying the happiness of a friend.  
“Um ... That I will be a father?”  
He blinked in surprise, trying to find the right words. However, his mind was one big question mark. It was the last thing he expected. Of course, they were at an age in which having a child was a matter of time, but without marriage?  
“I know! I know what you think! We aren’t even husband and wife! But the wedding will be in half a year! Tomorrow I will give you an invitation, along with the rest of team. With good luck, no one will notice that Yukie is pregnant.”  
Suga laughed with nervousness, waiting for Daichi to regain his speech and say something about it, but he stubbornly kept silent, staring at his hands.  
  
“ _How many children would you like Daichi?” Yui_ _asked suddenly while_ _staring at children’s clothing.  
“Two?” He replied uncertainly, wondering where this topic was coming from.  
“It’s a good number. I hope that we will have a boy and a girl!”  
“Yui? Where __is this topic coming_ _from?” He asked hesitantly, continuing their shopping.  
“Recently, I met Honda-san. She bought clothes for the baby. She is probably expecting a child. She and Iwaizumi-san make a really great couple ... Well, but I met her, and we joked that if they had a boy and we would have a girl, we could set them up together.” She laughed dreamily, watching the hanging sweaters.  
“Kuroo wrote about it lately. If I were to match my children with all my friends’ children, I probably would have to have quite a lot.” He muttered, pecking her on the cheek.  
“Oh no! Only not with Kuroo! His offspring probably will have the same hair problems as their father!”  
He burst out laughing, hugging her tightly. “Oh, Yui!”_  
  
“Daichi ...” Sugawara touched his friend diffidently, who flinched, turning at him with an uncertain expression on his face. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have taken any sides back then. You and Yui were both my friends, and I should have listened to both sides. I should have ... Let you explain everything and tried to understand. I know that love is not ... something that can be put into any category. I know that in the beginning, your feelings for Yui were sincere. You loved her in your own way. Sometimes, however, something happens that disturbs our current life. You fell in love with the other man, not because you wanted to, but because it came out. I know you. You would never hurt Yui. If you preferred men from the beginning, you would never accepted her love. You were lost by the new feelings that woke up in you, and she was in pain. The reality that she did not expect shook her, it was too painful for her. Only I failed the most. I’m sorry that it lasted so long. I don’t mind you and your relationship with Kuroo.”  
He tried to sound gentle and chose his words carefully so that it would not make things even worse. He wanted Daichi to understand that what had happened between them in the past should not affect their friendship. He understood his mistake, and is ready to fix it. Even if it will take longer than the given three days.  
  
“ _You know Daichi, men can cry too. We are people who feel emotions just like women. If you feel the need to cry - do it. If someone will accuse you of being a weakling, he himself is one.” Kuroo embraced him tenderly, stroking his hair._  
  
Daichi allowed himself to cry. He sobbed spasmodically, embracing himself as if trying to stop himself from doing something stupid. Sugawara looked at him panicked, not knowing what he should do, or what Sawamura would let him do.  
After an hour, Shinofuku returned home with bags filled with food. She looked up the stairs, listening to the man’s sobs, with a gentle smile on her lips. She was happy that they had finally managed to talk about their feelings, and how Koushi had gotten courage and apologized for his behavior. She did not know the whole story, she only knew that her fiancée had regretted his lost friendship for several years, and there hadn't been a year in which he did not wonder how to get the former captain back to Miyagi.  
She sighed, laying the bags on the table. If only everyone could accept different kinds of love, then perhaps everyone would live better.  
  


  
(´•ω•̥`)

  
  
They sat in a restaurant where they used to eat after important games - whether they won or lost. Sawamura felt his stomach come to his throat from nerves. He did not know how many people would appear, and above all, how this rally would end. Sugawara talked with the owner about the preparations for the wedding, being completely convinced that this rally would be one of the best for years to come.  
The first person to join them was Shimizu. Since the high school, she did not change in appearance too much. She sat down next to Daichi with a friendly smile, trying to calm him down a little.  
“Sawamura, it's good to see you.”  
“You too Shimizu. You haven’t changed a bit! I feel like I’m back in high school.” He replied relaxed, looking at her intently.  
She smiled in response, reaching for a cup of oolong tea. The brunette continued to talk to the former manager, being amazed that despite all the rejection of Suga’s feelings, they both seem to be in a friendly relationship as if it never happened. It caused an influx of questions. Would not it be the same with him and Iwaizumi if only he dared to tell him about his feelings?  
It was a good half hour before the door opened again, letting Ennoshita and Kinoshita inside. Daichi raised his hand in greeting, being slightly surprised by the lack of Narita.  
“Hi! It took you years to come! We were already afraid that this would be a modest three-person meeting.” Sawamura tried with all his might to sound at ease, to drown out the knocking heart and fear that did not leave him for even a moment.  
They smiled awkwardly as they sat at the table.  
“Sorry for being late. We thought Narita would be tempted to go, but eventually, he couldn’t come.” Kinoshita said apologetically, reaching for his drink.  
Ennoshita sat in silence, watching Daichi with mixed feelings. He did not know if he should tell him why some of them would not show up at the party. He did not know if his former captain had picked up why. He could not blame that some boys said they would not sit at the same table with a gay man. He even somewhat forced himself to because of the old days and admirations he had towards the former captain.  
“They don’t know what they are losing! It will be the best party in history!” Suga sat down at the table, concealing his dismay at the lack of attendance.  
“Don't exaggerate Suga. It’s just a meeting of old friends. The wedding will be more fun.” Daichi laughed softly, focusing on people around him.  
“Well, sure it will be! Especially mine! “He snorted, pulling out invitations from his bag. “Here! Your invitations. I hope you will reserve time for it. I don’t accept refusals!”  
“Heh heh heh old Suga has returned.” Daichi replied amusedly reaching for the envelope.  
They all chuckled at the mere mention of high school adventures and the moans of pain from Azumane every time Suga noticed a drop in his mood. They were so absorbed in memories of the sinister Suga, that they did not hear the opened doors and the greetings of subsequent guests.  
“I really don’t know why I came here ...” Tsukishima sat at the table with his typical dissatisfied face. Yamaguchi sat next to him, smiling apologetically.  
“Sorry for being late. I overslept ...” He scratched his nose, looking embarrassed. “I was lucky that Tsukki came for me.”  
Everyone laughed, unable to believe what they were hearing. Yamaguchi still seemed as sleepy as he was in high school. If it were not for the earrings and the long hair tied in a male bum, no one would say that anything had changed in him.  
It did not take long for Kageyama, Hinata and Yachi to enter the door. Huffed and beaming, they greeted everyone with apologies for being late due to their typical rivalry. Daichi watched all his teammates present, feeling that he could start crying. Despite their slightly changed appearances, the different voices, it was still the same team. Still loud, impossible, and so close. Only now did he realize how much he had missed them.  
“I didn’t think that Daichi-san would be with the captain of Nekoma!” Hinata blurted out, silencing all the ongoing conversations.  
Daichi paled, dropping his eyes, felt his body shake with fear. He did not want to destroy this meeting. He wanted to do as Kuroo advised him, and just to say nothing about his love life, but they all knew. Of course, they knew. She would not allow them to be ignorant.  
“And I still cannot believe that Yachi-san agreed to marry you.” Tsukishima replied with his usual, dispassionate voice, lazily sipping his beer.  
“WHAT THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN TSUKISHIMA?!” Hinata exasperatedly yelled, throwing himself at his friend, but being stopped by the firm grip of Yamaguchi, who tried to calm him down.  
The atmosphere relaxed, with everyone smiling again, unable to believe that nothing had changed for so many years. Daichi counted to ten, trying to calm his body before he would get a panic attack and ruin everything. If there was something they didn't know about him, it was probably his mental state. He looked at the flushed Yachi, noticing a small ring on her finger. When he looked at people around him, he spotted more random rings. He focused once more on the small girl.  
“My congratulations Yachi-san.” He said gently, leaning towards her to be better heard.  
“Thank you!” The girl beamed delightedly, grasping the ring even more tightly as if she needed tangible proof that it was not a dream.  
“You won’t believe what happened here, Daichi!” Suga sat down with a mug in his hand. “Yachi initially went with Yamaguchi! And then she became involved with Hinata. Drama chased the drama!” Daichi listened to the Suga’s story with hardly any attention. He tried to remember the university times and the first reunion he went to. It was so many years ago and his memory was not as it used to be. Except for meetings with Iwaizumi, he could not recall much.  
“Tadashi-kun already has a girlfriend, so he seems to have recovered from our breakup.” She replied timidly, defending herself against accusations of an icy heart. He frowned, trying to recall Suga’s words, but he did not come out of his fog. Resignedly, he looked at the rest of the guests who were shouting and laughing at some of their history. He felt completely out of place. He had not been here for so many years that he felt like a stranger who was trying to fit into a group. However, he was grateful to Tsukishima for earlier rescue from the oppression, even if it was done unconsciously.  
“Unfortunately, I have to go. It was nice to meet you again. “  
Ennoishita stood up, adjusting his clothes.  
“Thank you for coming.” Sawamura squeezed these few words with difficulty. Finally, his kouhai did not look disappointed by the necessity of leaving, nor was he especially pleased with the presence of his former captain. The brunette replied with a slight nod and left the restaurant without pausing for even a moment.  
“Work at the bank is killing him,” Kinoshita said defensively, trying to unload the tension that lurked in the air.  
“At the bank?” Daichi asked, bewildered. Ennoshita chose an acting school with directing as his specialty. He was supposed to be a director, desiring to be part of the culture. Working at the bank was far from this goal.  
“He works at the Mizuho bank. He is a manager there ... You know how it is with duties. Its overwhelms him, and the wife doesn’t make his life easier for him. He came to this meeting with difficulty. He has a year-old child, so his wife didn’t want to let him go.” Daichi listened to the Kinoshita's monologue with attention. Finally, he could learn about the life of a friend who somehow was not willing to share it. Maybe the defeat in the film competition cut his wings so much that he could not stand up and accepted what fate gave him: a wife, stable work and a child. He smiled softly, unable to deny that Ennoshita was living his dream life. In high school, he was imagining his adulthood would turn out like that.  
“And you Kinoshita? How are you?" He paused, having enough of the nightmare of the past. He wanted to learn more about others.  
“Eh?! I-I? No ... N-Nothing interesting ... I’m an electrician ... In a company ... And so much ...” he muttered ashamed, playing with a napkin. “My life is not as cool as the rest ...”  
“No! Do you want me to beat you up too? “Suga sighed resignedly, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at him.  
“I’m just telling the truth ... It’s nothing special. “He replied defensively.  
“I’ll comfort you, Kinoshita. I’m unemployed,” Daichi said calmly, pouring another beer.  
“Daichi-san really?! Didn’t you play in the team?!” Hinata shouted in surprise, glancing between the former captain and Tsukishima, as if seeking confirmation from him.  
“I played. But that is in the past.” He shrugged his shoulders, sipping a frothy drink. He tried not to consciously think that he will never play again, that he will never pick up a difficult serve. It hurts him inwardly. Volleyball was his whole life. For so many years he was so focused on it that he could not even see that his friend had a crush on him. He did not want to give up, did not want to pretend that his new life will be as great as those years spent on the court.  
“Life without volleyball is pointless,” Kageyama replied coldly, frowning in displeasure. The mere thought of giving up his passion caused him a strange anger.  
“Kageyama!” Shimizu snarled dryly, getting up from the table. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”  
“Shimizu?” Daichi looked at her with incomprehension. He could not quite understand what had just happened. He had never seen the former manager in such a mood. Suga whistled, backing into his seat. Hinata blushed and took up eating food on his plate.  
“Can someone enlighten me?” Sawamura asked after a while, having enough of this silence.  
“The king meets with the younger sister of Shimizu-san. Although I personally don’t know what she sees in him.” Tsukishima said grimly, feeling the growing satisfaction from the eyes of the flushed setter.  
“What does Kageyama relationship with Shimizu’s sister have to do with volleyball?”  
“Nothing.” Tsukishima shrugged, hoping someone would speak up and inform the former captain about the cause of the brunette’s outburst. However, when no one spoke, he straightened up, adjusting his glasses. “Shimizu-san is in a relationship with Oikawa-san, who had to give up playing volleyball two years ago due to a recurrent knee injury, and is now a model.”  
“With Oikawa?” He choked in surprise, looking at Suga, who only shrugged. “Seriously?”  
“That’s true. We don’t understand how it happened.” Suga grumbled, reaching for the last piece of meat.  
“A lot has been going on all these years ... I don't get it.”  
“One evening is definitely not enough to cover everything.” Yamaguchi laughed, passing Tsukishima, who decided to end his presence at the party.  
“We can always try to talk! It can be quite fun!" Hinata swallowed the last piece of meat and approached the brunet. “We could tell the chronicle of Karasuno!”  
“Idiot, who would want to hear it?!” Kageyama also joined the circle, flicking the redhead on the head.  
“Ouch!” He moaned, rubbing his head. “Do you always have to hit me?!”  
“I can harder if you want.”  
“Stop it!” Yachi snarled irritably, pulling Hinata to herself. “You promised that you would not argue today!”  
“I’m sorry.” He replied ashamed, grumbling slightly. Daichi smiled at the sight. It’s been so many years, but Kageyama and Hinata are still in their weird rivalry.  
After a moment, Yachi spoke, telling him what was going on about the individual team members. The rest of the crew sometimes added some facts while Yachi tried to speak about each of Karasuno’s members. occasionally they laughed at the memories of others acting stupidly. For him, all of it was valuable information.  
  
Azumane is married to Yui and is a mechanic at his uncle’s workshop. When he heard this, he understood why Asahi had broken off any contact with him. They were no longer connected to LINE, and they were blocked on Twitter. For their ace, Daichi ceased to be a valuable man after what he did to Michimiya.  
  
Shimizu became a psychotherapist who heals athletes, especially those whose careers had broken down. It was a profession that in a strange way, suited her. She was always patient and understanding with Karasuno. But learning that she married Oikawa and even had kids with him surprised him the most. She had never liked such pushy guys, but now she clearly changed, since she wasn’t so shy around them anymore.  
  
Tanaka helps his sister in the restaurant and is still with Kanoka. He's even going to be a proud dad in some months. Daichi could not help but comment on his great love for Shimizu, which ended after nationals. After returning from Tokyo, the future ace stopped confessing his endless love to Shimizu. Back then they did not know what was going on. No one knew that after the closing ceremony, Kanoka confessed her feelings to him. the future ace had to take time to recover from the shock of being liked by a girl. They all pushed him to try dating her, and it looks like it was a good decision.  
  
Nishinoya plays in the national team, which did not surprise him. He was one of the best liberos they had ever met. After nationals, some scouts came to Karasuno. No one knew how it would end up, but in the end, he got a place in a good professional team and the national team. Daichi never knew that Noya had suffered from heartbreak, and not after losing Shimizu to Oikawa. he was in a relationship with some other girl, but their paths went different directions and they had to break up even though they still loved each other. Luckily he managed to end up with the former manager of Jojenzji - Hana Misaki. Their relationship is stable, and it looks like the loud libero found his new happiness.  
  
Narita became a store manager. It seemed like it wasn't a big deal. It is enough to work in one place for years to achieve a higher position, but it was amazing that he can cope with the duties that lurked in such a position. Sadly, he was still single, but it seemed that there is a woman he sees from time to time. However they still do not know if that is something serious or not.  
  
Tsukishima, like Kageyama and Noya, played in the national team against the best teams in the world. Kageyama had entered a romantic relationship, Tsukishima was still alone and clarified that he was not interested in bonding with anyone. Daichi did not comment this alud, but he got this vibe of Tsukishima being asexual even in high school times. It did not surprise him much, although the rest of the team could not believe that their friend had rejected so many people already.  
  
Hinata did not get into the national team, probably because of his height, but he plays in one of the better clubs in Miyagi. His personality though, did not change at all.  
  
Yachi deals with computer graphics and photography. She does what she knows best. Though shez is still a little scared of bigger people, it does not stop her from going abroad to make some breathtaking photography.  
  
Yamaguchi became a doctor, which completely surprised the brunette. He did not expect such a career from his freckle kohai. Yamaguchi deals with athletes, especially their rehabilitation after injuries. It can be said that he stole one of Oikawa’s fangirls since his girlfriend used to be in love with Aoba Johsai’s setter, but after seeing Yamaguchi's struggles with staying on the court, she became his fan.  
  
It was nice to hear about the life of his old friends, even if he sensed an uncertainty in their voice and that they skipped some information just to not hurt him.  
He knew why a few people did not appear at the rally. For them, he was an unwelcome person who belonged to the past and should stay there.  
“To be honest, I would more expect Daichi-san to be with Suga-san,” Hinata said unexpectedly, playing with a drinking straw. “Well, because you know, they were always together and there were rumors ...”  
Daichi paled, looking down at his hands. He could not believe what he was hearing. Rumors? Him with Suga? It was ... Impossible!  
“That’s true. That would probably be less surprising.” Kageyama nodded in strange agreement.  
“Oi! I’m here! And I can promise you that I’m straight!” Suga growled, clearly upset. “If Daichi were to be associated with someone, then I would go with... Oikawa.”  
“Oikawa-san doesn’t belong to those people.” Tobio murmured uncertainly, trying to imagine such a scenario.  
He did not know if the room suddenly got stuffy, or if he had lost the ability to breathe. He heard muffled conversations and laughter, but the meaning of the words did not reach him. He had the impression that he was drowning and could not move his body to get to the surface. Unable to bear it any longer, he got up and ran away from the restaurant, ignoring the calling of the team. He tried to breathe some air, but everything was burning. Tears were running down his cheeks, and his lungs had no oxygen left, along with muscles that had already started being lazy. He stumbled over a protruding flagstone, and landed on the ground. His hands and knees roared with burning pain, and his lungs which finally received a dose of air, burned with fire. “Tetsu ...” he moaned in despair, sobbing softly without rising from the ground. He had enough of everything. He wanted to go home, to Tetsu, who would hug him and say that everything would be fine.

  
  


He felt a small hand stroking his hair. Frightened, he looked up, only to see a small version of Iwaizumi standing in front of him.  
“Iwaizumi?” He choked out, barely scrambling from the ground. The kid tilted his head slightly, looking at him closely.  
“Hiro!” A well-known male voice spoke suddenly, scaring them both away. Daichi saw with growing disbelief Iwaizumi, who did not resemble the person he knew a few years ago. He was pale, with swollen eyes from crying, bruises below them from lack of sleep, and a scrawny figure. Not to mention wild hair, not only on his head but at his face.  
“Iwaizumi?”  
“Dad, I found a Bearman!” The boy smiled, looking at his father as if he did nothing wrong.  
“Sawamura?” Iwaizumi came to him surprised, not expecting to see him this winter evening.  
He extended a hand to help him rise from the ground, and Daichi could only shake the well-known hand. However, he did not reciprocate with his former strength.  
“It's been ages Iwaizumi.” He smiled uncomfortably, brushing off his pants. “I see that you had a son ...”  
“I sent you a message on LINE. Have you forgotten? “He replied with a slight offense, grabbing Hiro’s hand to prevent his next escape. He did not know what to say. He ignored most of the messages from the people of Miyagi, especially from Iwaizumi. He could not enjoy his happiness, but now that he saw the wreck of a man in front of him- he regretted it. Bokuto would probably say that it was destiny that they met on such a day in very similar emotional states. Silence followed him as he tried to control the nagging questions. It was difficult for him to talk, although he had never had this problem before.  
“Dad, can I go play with other kids?” Hiro pointed to a playground with a small group of children. Iwaizumi let go of his hand, nodding in silent agreement.  
They headed to the empty bench, watching the children playing for a few minutes.  
“When did you come back to Miyagi?” Iwaizumi broke the silence first , twisting his fingers.  
“Yesterday? I came to the Karasuno reunion.”  
“Mhmm ... “  
Sawamura looked out of the corner of his eye at the chestnut-haired man who did not look particularly interested. He could not imagine the reason why his friend had lost his will to live. His heart ached with pain. He wanted to hug him and say that everything would be fine; that he was not alone, but that was not his role. It was Rin’s role.  
“Tonight is your evening with your child?” He tried to sound neutral, to bring the conversation to lighter subjects, but instead, tears fell from the chestnut-haired mans eyes. Kuroo often told him that sometimes he lacks tact and is awkward in choosing the subject of conversations, but he has never been met with a reaction. Panicked, he looked around the area for some hope of getting an answer for what is actually happening. “Iwaizumi? Is everything all right? “  
“... She ... R-Rin ... D-D-Dead ... “He stammered tearfully, hiding his face in his hands. He felt like a moron. Two years ago, he got a message on LINE from Rin. He did not even read the message, he just erased it from existence. A few months after her, he got a message from Iwaizumi, and did not even open it. He did not want to go back to those years, he wanted to be faithful to Kuroo. Maybe if he opened it, he would not have acted like an ignorant idiot.  
“Jesus ... I’m sorry ...” He could not even imagine the pain in which Iwaizumi had to be. For him, the idea that Kuroo might leave him was terrifying enough. If Kuroo would die, Daichi wouldn't be able to get over it. Even if some of his heart loves Iwaizumi, the part reserved for Kuroo was equally strong and lusty.  
Iwaizumi sighed heavily, looking dispassionately at him. It was only a moment when Sawamura felt a fist on his cheek and then the cold ground beneath him. He groaned in pain, gazing in horror at the indifferent chestnut-haired man.  
“Your sorry is shit Sawamura! Where were you when Rin died?! Where were you when I cremated her body?! If you wanted to burn the past so much, change your number and LINE account! I thought we were friends and that I could count on you! Put your sorry up your ass! It won't return her life. It won't return my daughter’s life!” Daichi knew he should not take the words of Iwaizumi to heart, that pain and despair speak through him, but he could not stop the growing wave of guilt. He could have at least read the messages, he could have somehow supported the person he loves in such difficult times. And yet he chose comfortable ignorance.  
Iwaizumi fell to his knees, sobbing loudly. Daichi watched him guilty and terrified. He knew the view. When he arrived in Tokyo, he looked the same. Then he wanted to just disappear, to stop living. If he did not live with Kuroo, he would probably have left to the city and never returned alive. Iwaizumi fought this pain because he had a son. However, even this can sometimes be too little.  
“Iwaizumi ...” He began uncertainly, hoping that his friend would not hit him again. “I’m sorry for ignoring your messages, that I wasn’t here when you needed it the most. I have nothing to excuse myself except for my own cowardice and sadness. “  
Iwaizumi raised his questioning gaze at him. He no longer had the strength for any anger. His body was too weak from lack of sleep and meals.  
“Dad!” Hiro ran up to them, hugging his father with tears in his eyes, and Hajime embraced him, trying to make him understand that everything was all right. Daichi rose from the ground hoping that they did not make much of a sensation. The playground slowly deserted, and more stars could be seen in the sky. He did not know what to do. On the one hand, he wanted to run away, because the pain in his heart was too distorting, but on the other hand, he could not leave a friend alone. Just as Kuroo was watching over him, now someone had to watch over Iwaizumi. Rin was no longer around, and that thought was strange. Rin has always been with Hajime, always with her notebook and a gentle smile.  
“I will take you home.” He said calmly, helping them to get up from the ground. Only now did he feel how much weight Iwaizumi had lost. His arms were not as muscular as they used to be.  
Hiro sobbed quietly, calling for his dead mother quietly. Daichi had never felt more crushed by his helplessness. Reflexively, he took the little one in his hand, and headed for the house in which he used to spend too much time in at the university. Iwaizumi followed him in silence, staring at the stars.

(´•ω•̥`)

He saw Bokuto’s apartment more time than once, so he knew what true chaos was. However, the view of a ruined house where everything was literally crumbled on the floor was shocking. Iwaizumi, who used to attack the team to keep everything in order, was now like the hero of a hoarders’ program. Confused, he moved cautiously toward the stairs, where he believed Hiro’s bedroom was, as he fallen asleep during their journey. He looked back at Iwaizumi, who was standing in the corridor, not knowing what to do with himself. He suddenly gained great respect for Tetsu, who supported him with perseverance and helped him dig out of the hole he had fallen in. Not to mention constantly helping Bokuto too. How did he do it? Daichi wanted to cry out from helplessness, it was all too much for him.  
He put the child in bed and went downstairs, hoping that somehow this mess would disappear, and Rin would come out of the kitchen, complaining about his lack of response. However, what he found was Iwaizumi sitting on a sofa with a picture of his family. He approached him carefully, wondering where he could sit.  
“When you left so suddenly, Rin was anxious. In some sense, she blamed herself, although I didn’t understand what she had to do with you leaving... “  
The quietness of his voice and words surprised Daichi. He suspected that Rin knew about his feelings for her boyfriend, but she never told him openly, so he deluded himself that maybe he had fallen into some strange paranoia.  
“Later I found out that you were involved with a guy.” Daichi swallowed loudly, feeling strangely cold. “Rin just smiled as if she realized. You cannot even imagine how much I loved her. I don’t know how to live without her... “  
He could not. After all, he wasn't Iwaizumi. He could only suspect it was the same level as his love for Kuroo and Iwaizumi. Though he sincerely doubted that love could be compared. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, breaking the rush of meaningless thoughts. Irritated, he pulled it out and was ready to refuse the phone call from Suga, who probably was looking for him, but it was the image of Kuroo that was shimmering on the display. He looked apologetically at his friend and headed for the kitchen.  
“Tetsu?” He answered, squeezing his hand over his heart. He wanted to have him here so badly.  
“Daichi! Thank God you are alive!” The brunette’s voice was filled with fading fear and great relief.  
“Of course I’m alive, what are you talking about?”  
“Suga called asking if I knew somewhere you could be hiding at. Apparently, you escaped from the meeting? “  
“Oh ...” He completely forgot about the party and what had happened. He was so concerned about the state of Iwaizumi that he gad completely forgotten about his worries. He smiled, feeling a strange joy. “The atmosphere wasn’t the best. I’m not welcome there. It will be better if I’m just a memory of ancient glory, but that doesn’t matter now! “  
“Daichi?” Kuroo was clearly worried by his words. Sawamura couldn’t stop himself, even though some quiet voice kept screaming at him to shut up.  
“... Because you know ... I met an old friend ... No. It’s not like that ... Iwaizumi was my first love...” He did not know how to explain it, but he felt he must be honest. He must finally tell the truth, to start his true life without regrets.  
“Do you want to break up with me?” Tetsurou’s voice was weak, as if the galaxy was separating rather several hundred kilometers.  
“WHAT?! NO! Listen to me! I love you, Tetsu, but I love Iwaizumi too ... I can’t explain it, but I don’t want to break up with you. I not gpoing to jump into a relationship with Iwaizumi. He ... He lost his wife and daughter. He is in total disarray... I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid to leave him alone.”  
Kuroo was silent for a long while, causing panic to grow in Daichi, who had already imagined the worst-case scenario. He did not want to lose Kuroo. He could not live without him.  
“Daichi... um... This Iwaizumi ... He has friends, right?” Kuroo sounded strange, but Daichi could not determine what was wrong.  
“Well, he does, but ... uummm... You know how it is with depressed people, how difficult it is to function with them ... They can really be a great pain in the ass ...” He laughed briefly trying to create a light atmosphere between them. He should be talking about this in Tokyo, sitting next to Tetsu and holding him by the hand without giving him a chance to escape, or maybe to escape from difficult issues himself.  
“Daichi ... If you care so much, then we have a free room. Maybe a change of surroundings will help him to collect himself after such a loss.”  
“TETSU!!” He shouted, feeling eager to hug the brunette who, as usual, knew what to do in such situations. “I love you.”  
“... I...I-I love you too.” Kuroo’s voice was foreign. Seemingly calm, but it simultaneously wasn't. “I have to finish. See you soon. For now.”  
“Tetsu?” He looked worriedly at the phone, from which came the dull sound of the completed call.  
He cringed, feeling tears come to his eyes. On the phone he could not nestle into the brunette, he could not kiss him and look into his eyes and tell him how much he meant to him. The phone was not meant for serious conversations.  
“Sawamura?” Iwaizumi walked into the kitchen, almost bumping over something lying on the ground. “Are you all right?”  
He rubbed his eyes quickly, getting up to his feet. Maybe he did not feel well it was definitely not the time to complain to a person who was in a much worse state than him.  
“Iwaizumi, what do you say about changing yours surroundings?”  
“Change of surroundings?” He asked confusedly, reaching for a bottle of water.  
“Maybe you could live with me and my partner in Tokyo?” Daichi did not want to wonder how Iwaizumi found this bottle in the pile of rubbish. And how many days have passed since it was first opened.  
“Tokyo? Hiro goes to school here.”  
“He can go to school in Tokyo. Iwaizumi ... You need a change of surroundings. You will slowly die here ... Hiro needs you. “  
“YOU THINK THAT I DON’T KNOW?!” Iwaizumi roared furiously, throwing the bottle at him. “You have no right to lecture me!!”  
“I’m not nagging you. I want to help you! “He replied calmly without moving.  
A few years ago, he himself had fits of anger caused by accumulated despair. He snapped at Kuroo, who calmly waited until he calmed down. He gave him space and time for himself. With passing time, as the distance between them decreased, Kuroo allowed himself to try other methods. Like hugging him and waiting for all anger and despair to flow out. Daichi, however, could not do that with Iwaizumi. He had to give him space and the feeling that he was ultimately controlling his own life. If he puts too much pressure on him, it can end tragically for both of them.  
Iwaizumi looked at him uncertainly, searching for the right words. Besides his son and his parents, he did not talk much with people, especially about his feelings. He sighed, giving up. Even he knew that if he continued such a life, he would kill himself and Hiro. Rin would not forgive him for that.  
“What is your plan Sawamura?”  
Sawamura smiled with relief as he sat down in a chair that was exceptionally empty. “For starters, we have to clean up here.”  
Iwaizumi said nothing. He only looked at the ground trying to digest it all. “Shouldn’t you go back to Tokyo?”  
Daichi grimaced perfectly understanding the allusions. The new year was approaching, his birthday. He should be with Kuroo on such a day, enjoying that instead of falling under the train, he got in and stayed with the brunette. Daichi told no one about his suicidal thoughts. About the first time when everyone turned away from him, and about the more recent time when he witnessed the breakup between Kuro and Shiba. He felt guilty for destroying people's lives. He should not have allowed Kuroo to flirt with him, and should have nagged him to spend more time with Shiba, but he was happy that Kuroo enjoyed his company.  
“Don’t worry, I’m not a child. Birthdays are just another day for me, nothing more.” He replied quietly, hoping that it sounded convincing.  
Iwaizumi nodded, retreating to the living room. He was too weak for further conversation, and he did not have the slightest interest in Daichi’s life. He wanted to see Rin again, to feel her beside him.

  
  
  
  


(´•ω•̥`)

  
  
  
_She was lying in the hospital bed, hooked to a drip_ _._ _She was_ _pale and exhausted, but she continued to smile at them, giving them the illusion that everything would be fine.  
“Hiro, listen ... When mommy dies, make sure daddy doesn’t get involved with any women! Hiro only has one mom, right?” She smoothed the boy’s head, whispering gently with a hint of despair.  
Hiro nodded tearfully, not knowing what exactly he could answer to the woman that he loved the most in the world. Hajime sat down beside her, trying not to break up into tears like their son. He should make her terminate the pregnancy. If he did, they would not be here. She looked up at him_ _,_ _smiling softly.  
“Hajime, everything will be fine. Someday life will change color. You must believe in it_ _,_ _not only for yourself_ _,_ _but also for me. I can’t tell you to fall in love with another woman, for the sake of Hiro_ _._ _That probably makes me a terrible mother and wife. But the thought that you would embrace another woman causes a burning pain in me. However, I know that there is a person who will help you, and I entrust your life to this person.”  
“I will not love anyone else. I cannot live without you - “  
“Hajime, Hiro will needs you. I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise, but I’m begging you. Don’t follow me. “_  


  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  
  
  


  
Sawamura was looking at the sleeping man with some fascination. Tears were running down his face and muscles were tensing under the influence of a nightmare. He sighed heavily, wondering where to begin. He did not know how to start, it was all too much. And the only clean place was the altar , on which stood a picture of Rin.  
He reached for his phone opening up the LINE. He tried to open conversations with Rin and Iwaizumi, but an empty window appeared. He could not recreate them. He sighed as he pressed Kuroo’s contact. He hoped that the morning would make them ne able to talk. He went out to the garden, which did not look much better than the inside the house.  
“Yes?” The sleepy male voice spoke in his ear, interrupting the growing feeling of anxiety.  
“Tetsu ...” He started quietly , trying not to cry.  
“Daichi? What time is it?”  
“Something around 8 am ...”  
Kuroo said nothing. Sawamura heard only the rustle of the quilt and claws clicking on the floor. He felt his heart squeeze again in pain. Tetsurou still did not want to talk to him.  
“I’m sorry ...” He stammered in confusion, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry Tetsu” Finally, he could not stop the tears. “Don’t leave me...”  
“Daichi ... This isn’t something we should talk about over the phone. We’ll talk when you come back. “  
The heavy signal of the completed conversation was buzzing in his head. He sat down on the wooden steps, sobbing softly. He had hurt Kuroo more than he thought. Even he had limits of strength, and Daichi just broke them with one phone call. Was he so drunk that he , like the last idiot , admitted to his boyfriend that he loves another guy at the same time? Even Nishinoya would not do something like that.  
He heard a rustle behind him . Scared; he turned away, ready to attack, but his eyes showed a sleepy boy who hugged a raven plush to himself.  
  
  
_Resigned, he looked at Iwaizumi, who once again tried to win the necklace for Rin. She kept smiling, and cheered for him with all her heart. Not because she wanted this necklace, but because her fiancé could not accept failure. Going to a festival with them was one of the worse decisions Daichi had made. In addition, he lost Yui somewhere along the way . Having nothing better to do, he went to another stand, where some mascots could be won. This task seemed much simpler, maybe he could win something for Iwaizumi’s future child. He did not have much hope, especially since all these stands were one big cash-draw from people, and yet he won an average mascot. After a long deliberation, he chose the raven_ _,_ _which he associated with Karasuno.  
“Here.” He gave the mascot to Rin, who looked at him surprised, but after a moment_ _,_ _she beamed, hugging the raven.  
“Thank you Sawamura-san!”  
“OI! Sawamura, don’t you dare flirt with my fiancée! “Iwaizumi growled, giving the last loserly shot. “Let’s go! I will buy you such necklace another time! Just wait.”  
“Just buy a baby stroller.” She replied amused, grabbing his hand. “I will call this mascot Dai-san.”_  
  
  
“Hey, little one, what with that mascot?” He asked as cheerful as he could, unable to believe that after all these years , this mascot was still in this house.  
“Dai-san,” Hiro replied quietly, clutching the plushie harder. “Dai-san is my confidante.”  
Daichi smiled, covering his face with his hands. He could not stop the tears. Hiro watched him confused by his reaction. He did not see anything sad in his beloved toy. And yet, this uncle was stuck as if he saw a lost friend.  
“Do you want to cry to Dai-san? My mom always said that Dai-san would be with me when I needed him, but I can make an exception and share. “  
Rin was really a cruel woman.  
“There is no need. Dai-san belongs to you. I have my Tetsu waiting for me in Tokyo. “He rubbed his eyes, calming himself slightly.  
“Uncle also has a mascot?” Hiro smiled gently as he approached him. His similarity to Iwaizumi was impossible. If Hiro had green eyes, Daichi would have the impression he was in some strange time loop with two Iwaizumis. However, the little one inherited his eye color from his mother.  
“It’s rather a living mascot. Such a lazy cat who loves fish.” He went inside , looking at Iwaizumi, who was rubbing his eyes. A bad dream had to have woken him up, or their conversation. “Hey Iwaizumi.”  
Hajime looked at him blankly. He nodded to Hiro, who ran to him, hugging him with all his might. Sawamura looked around the room, realizing that he must make breakfast for a good start , and go to Suga for his belongings. Getting into despair through lack of acceptance or misunderstanding will not help. He went to the kitchen looking for ingredients for any meal. There were only a few, but he could do some omelets.  
After a few minutes, he left the kitchen with plates , to see Hiro telling something to his father, who was only clumsily nodding. Most likely, he tried to listen to his son with all his strength, but he was in such a state that he lost the sense of sentences.  
“Breakfast ready.” He said loosely, enjoying the squeal of joy from Hiro, who immediately jumped off his father’s lap and ran for his plate.  
Sawamura squeezed a portion into Iwaizumi’s hands and headed back to the kitchen for his plate. He sat on the ground looking at the incomplete family who was trying to survive with all their might. While Hiro ate with gusto , talking to his mascot about the quality of food and how long its been since he's eaten anything as good, Iwaizumi just gouged the plate with his utensils.  
He did not know how long it had been since Rin’s death, but if he would not do something, Iwaizumi would starve to death. He sighed heavily , understanding once again how much he owed Kuroo.  
“Iwaizumi, stop playing with your food.” He said with a reproach in his voice, hoping it would spark a revelation.  
Hiro looked at his father anxiously , waiting for his reactions. Iwaizumi smiled with difficulty in an apologetic gesture and ate.  
“Pretty good Sawamura. I didn’t know you could cook.”  
“I have changed a bit since my studies. In Tokyo, Tetsu and I alternate who cooks, so I had to learn how. Although the first attempts were deadly.” He muttered softly, chuckling at the mere mention of the first lessons.  
  
_“Done!” He shouted happily_ _,_ _looking at his curry. Maybe it was too watery, and the colors were off_ _,_ _but the smell seemed to be okay.  
Kuroo entered the kitchen curious about the end result of the day-long effort. He looked at his portion with uncertainty.  
“Try it Tetsurou! I’m sure you will like it!” Sawamura sat opposite the brunette with a childish expectation of praise.  
“Let it be ... Itadakimasu ...” he muttered under his breath, taking a spoonful. He swallowed with difficulty_ _,_ _feeling the pain in his esophagus. He got up abruptly from the place, escaping from the kitchen to the bathroom.  
After an hour_ _,_ _a frightened Sawamura looked into Kuroo’s bedroom_ _,_ _feeling the growing sense of guilt. He had no intention of poisoning his friend. “I’m sorry Kuroo ...”  
“Don’t worry ... I’ll get out of this ...” He stammered, swaying in pain. He did not even have the strength to joke._  
  
  
“I have to go to Suga for my things. When I get back, we’ll talk about what’s next, okay?” He took the empty plates in his hand, glancing expectantly at the chestnut-haired who only nodded.  
“Can I go with uncle?!” Hiro got up from the ground, prodding his father, who only moaned in response. “DAD!”  
“You can! Just be polite...” He choked with difficulty, shooing him upstairs.  
“I always am!” He replied defensively , running upstairs to get dressed.  
“Iwaizumi ...” He began uncertainly, not knowing what he really wanted to tell him.  
“Save it.”

  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Hiro walked silently beside him. His usual energy disappeared, leaving only a sad boy who probably wanted to escape the nightmare of living. Even this boy, with all his strength, tried to convince himself that everything was fine, that everything will soon return to normal. He did it for himself, but above all for his father.  
“Hiro-kun?” He asked shyly, stopping at the traffic lights. The boy looked up at him, waiting for the question. “Would you like to live in Tokyo?” He changed the question at the last minute. He could not ask about the date of Rin’s death, not when Hiro looked at him like that.  
“With my dad?”  
“Of course, with your dad.”  
Hiro nodded shyly, looking at the store’s windows. Sawamura followed his gaze, watching their reflection. Maybe somewhere inside he wanted to think that they looked like a family, but it was not like that. Instead it was two joyless persons were looking for a way to survive.  
He sighed, wiping tears from his eyes. He meandered down the road, wondering what he should tell Suga. Once they were the best friends, they talked almost about everything and enjoyed all of their successes. Were it not for Suga, he probably would not have been so keen on being the team's temporary coach, since he did not have enough knowledge. And yet feeling the support of a friend, he had the motivation to push forward. During high school, he imagined that they would be friends until the grave. It never crossed his mind that a day would come when Suga would be a stranger to him. He could not talk to him openly as he used to in the past. It pained him more than he was willing to show.  
“Are you all right, uncle?” Hiro’s voice pulled him back to reality.  
“Eh? Sure. I think too much. I’m sorry, Hiro-kun. We’re close now. “He replied confused, trying to smile, but Hiro’s face showed that he did not sound too convincing. “I remembered old times and felt a little sad, that’s all.”  
“Dad also thinks about old times. He sits down in front of my mother’s photo and talks to her all day ... Do you think mom will take my dad? “  
“Certainly not. Your mom wouldn’t want for you to lose your father too.” He said firmly, confident of his words. Rin was not that kind of person.  
“Daichi!!” A male voice interrupted their conversation, stopping them in half a step. Daichi looked at Sugawara, who looked worried, but with every second, he became more and more relaxed. “Where have you been?!”  
Daichi scratched his neck, feeling terrible for ignoring calls. He should have at least wrote a message about his position. Hiro, ashamed, hid behind the brunette’s legs, looking at the stranger with suspicion.  
Sugawara glared at the brunette, but after a moment his gaze stopped on the boy.  
“Whose child is that? He reminds me of someone... “  
Daichi looked at Hiro, who had a face typical of Iwaizumi -like the Grumpy Cat. He squeezed his lips to not laugh, as genes cannot be fooled. He stroked the boy’s head and took a deep breath.  
“This is Iwaizumi Hiro. Yesterday, after all this, I met Iwaizumi and spent the night at his place. In any case, I came for my belongings. “  
Suga took a step back in surprise. He opened his mouth to say something, but at the last moment, he closed his lips, giving way to him in the door. Daichi moved in. He looked inquiringly at Hiro, who was still at the gate, not willing to go inside.  
“Wait here for me, Hiro-kun, I’ll be right back,” he said finally, heading for the stairs.  
He entered his temporary room, reaching for the bag. However before he could turn, the door closed under the weight of Suga, who watched him anxiously.  
“Are you gone mad?!”  
“What do you mean?” He replied confusedly, sitting down on the bed, suspecting that their conversation would not be so short.  
“Iwaizumi?! Iwaizumi?! Isn’t he the reason for all this?! Anyway! Since his wife died, he totally went crazy! Nobody sane is dealing with him! Even Aoba Johsai turned away from him!”  
Suga was clearly taken over trying to warn his friend about something that could not be repaired, but Daichi felt a growing anger. He despised this side of the human character: everyone is gossiping instead of really doing something. Two days ago, he hoped that Suga’s words were sincere, that there was really a chance to rebuild their friendship, but he could not do it. Suga will always be a part of his past, but not his present.  
“Suga.” He interrupted his monologue by getting out of bed. “Iwaizumi needs friends now, someone who will not run away just because he is in despair. If no one else is going to do it, I’ll do it. I am his friend. Once I’ve let him down, and I will not do it again.” He pushed him away from the door, opening it wide before he came down the stairs and looked at Suga for the last time. “I will not come to your wedding. My presence would only ruin all the fun.”  
“Daichi!” Suga shouted after him, but he did not intend to stop. He took hold of Hiro’s hand and fled to the Iwaizumi's home. He did not pay attention to tears, he wanted to get away from this place and forget about the idiotic hopes that he had two days ago. Hiro hugged him, looking at the blonde who was shouting behind them.  
  
Sawamura sank to the bench, panting heavily. He must calm down and go shopping. He must prepare some normal food. Hiro sat quietly beside him, shaking his legs.  
“Hiro-kun?” Daichi looked at the boy who was sobbing softly.  
“Dad did not go crazy! He just misses mom! Like me! “Hiro cried louder and louder, unable to find a release from the feelings that had accumulated in him for a long time. “I want to see mom!” Daichi hugged him close, trying to cheer him up.

  
  
_“Got you!” He felt a jerk on his sweatshirt. He turned in surprise, glancing at the breathless Rin. “You are so fast Sawamura-san!”  
“Honda-san? What are you doing here? “He looked around to look for the Grumpy Cat.  
“I heard about your uncle’s death from Hajime . It must be hard.”  
He blinked in disbelief, wondering how she could know that. He said this briefly to Iwaizumi while walking back home, justifying his absence from training.  
“We were not so close ...” He replied quietly_ _,_ _smiling gently.  
“Liar! Death is always hard. That is why it is worth having someone who will lift your pain.”  
He smiled resignedly, hugging her and crying like a small child. His uncle was like a second father to him. He did not even have a chance to show him that he will be fine._  
  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
  
They returned in the late evening with eyes swollen from crying, and bags full of food. He wondered how he would explain it to Iwaizumi, since he had only picked up his things which should not have taken so long, but the house was dark and silent. Concerned, he turned on the lights only to see him the curled in front of the shrine, clinging to Dai-san. Hiro ran to his father appalled pulling the soft toy out of his hands .  
“Dai-san is mine!” He stuck his tongue out while running upstairs.  
Iwaizumi fell to the floor, showing no sign of life. Frightened, he ran up to him, putting his fingers to his neck only to feel relief. Iwaizumi was sleeping so deeply that he didn't react to any external stimuli.  
“Could you not scare me ... I’ll have a heart attack because of you.”  
He looked at the shrine with mixed feelings. On one hand, he felt somewhat angry at Rin for dying and leaving her family in such a cruel way, but on the other hand, he felt the same despair. Finally, he liked her, he could count on her in every case, even when he did not ask for it, and now she was gone. His eyes fell on the white envelope next to the picture. He hesitantly grabbed it upon reading the addressee.  
  
To: Sawamura Daichi  
???? Tokyo  
  
Taken aback, he sat on the ground, tearing it apart and pulling out two sheets of paper, one of which was his portrait and the other a letter. Rin wrote a letter to him! He leaned back against the wall, immersed in reading, while his heart beat heavily.  
  
  
Dear Sawamura-san,  
I hope you’ve found your place - home in Tokyo. I was there only once with Hajime, but it was too crowded. I’m sure you have chosen the right way of life.  
Perhaps you will find me unpropitious or haunted, but I suspected you had deeper feelings for Hajime. I didn’t tell him anything because it was a matter between you two. Of course, I understand Michimiya’s pain. She would arrange your life just to find out in one night that your heart is not just hers. However, I can not agree with what she did. The pain doesn’t excuse this malevolence and setting everyone against you. You too have been the victim of all this, probably even more so. I would have preferred you have gone to us that day, but I know it would have been impossible because you wouldn’t be able to endure the sight of Hajime with me. However, you must know that I have been protecting your secret all this time, and I have not let Hajime know about the reason for your departure. You don’t have to worry about his reaction to your sexual orientation. As far as he was initially surprised, after several conversations, he admitted to me that love does not choose and can only support you in a new relationship. I should probably have started with these words: if you are reading this letter, it means that I am already dead. I sent you a message on LINE, but I suspect you weren’t able to read it. I’m not blaming you for that.  
Getting pregnant awoke my illness. I had a complete ban on pregnancy after the first time. It was all to prolong my life. However, we haven’t been able to prevent it, because I got pregnant again. Everyone told me to abort it, because giving birth to another child could kill me. But how could I kill the child of Hajime? I could not. I thought that I could give birth and eventually it would be a happy end. But now, writing this day before the surgery, I’m not so sure. I will have a cesarean section and subsequent operations to save my life. I don’t know if it will work out. I’m afraid.  
I’m also worried about Hajime and Hiro. I don’t want them to follow me. A few years of wonderful life awaits them!  
I have no one else to ask for this. You are my last hope. I know that what I write is selfish, but I only have you.  
You are the only person who will be able to help him. I’m begging you, save Hajime. Give him a new family.  
Take care of Hiro. He is a great boy, but he can’t trust people with ease, so he will probably give you a hard time, but give him a chance. I’m sure that your heart will be stolen. Is he not charming with his faces? His resemblance to Hajime surprised everyone. He looks like a copy! It’s wonderful. I love him with all my heart ...  
I don’t want to die! I want to see my son grow up and start his own family ... But I can not do it ... Please ... Do it on my behalf.  
I'm really sorry.  
  
  
  
He was crying. He wiped tears from his cheeks every few minutes, sniffing. If only he read her message on LINE, he would have definitely come to see them. There were still traces of tears on the sheet. Rin had begun to cry at the end of writing. She must have been scared by the thought that she would die and leave behind the family she so longed to have.  
“Fuck ...” he muttered under his breath, hiding his face in his hands. He’d rather see her with Hajime. How should he save someone when he still needs help?  
“Uncle?” Hiro shook him shyly.  
Sawamura looked at the frightened boy with a clumsy smile. It was late, and they still had eaten nothing. He rose with difficulty, hiding the letter in his pocket. Rin entrusted her family to him. Maybe if she knew about his relationship with Kuroo, she would not do it, fearing that she could ruin his life in this way. However, the vicissitudes of fate did their job. He breathed in the air, reached for the bags and moved into the kitchen. Tomorrow, he will clean up.  
“What do you want today?” Daichi asked Hiro, who followed him. “We should prepare your dad something fantastic to regain his strength.”  
“Dad likes tofu ...” he muttered timidly, as he scrambled into a chair.  
“Hmmm ... Then maybe miso soup?” He unpacked the products into the fridge and on the table, trying to remember recipes with tofu.  
“It’s boring ...” Hiro moaned disappointed, clutching his plushie harder.  
“Maybe a banana salad?” He smiled dully, reminding himself that it was a dish that his grandmother made when he was little.  
“Banana salad?” The idea clearly intrigued Hiro. “Let it be...”  
“Give me a few minutes and the dish will be ready. You can wake up your dad during this time.”  
Hiro nodded, smiling shyly. He jumped off the chair and ran into the living room. Daichi tried not to think about how many days Hiro spent in this way, when fatigue won against Iwaizumi and the house was in complete silence. If it were not for their presence, the house would look abandoned. In a sense, it was. He shook his head, shaking off the depressive thoughts. He had to focus on making food.  
It was not a difficult recipe. Boil the rice, fry the onion in olive oil, add the curry. Mix it with boiled rice, then add cubed tofu, apple, bananas, bacon, and peppers. The whole thing is combined with a sauce made of mayonnaise and cream. Grandma always added more bananas to sweeten his meal.  
“Looks like I still remember something from my childhood.” He said under his breath, feeling some pride of the dish. “Dinner is ready!” He shouted, putting the last portion on the plate.  
He heard Hiro squeak and the patter of small feet. After a while, the excited boy appeared in the kitchen ready to take his plate. Daichi handed him his portion and went to the living room himself. Iwaizumi sat on the sofa, stretching now and then. Sleeping for a long time in an uncomfortable position gathered its harvest.  
“Please. I hope you will like it.” He said, sitting down beside him.  
“Thanks ...” Hajime grabbed the plate, watching the dish with a dose of distrust. “Can you tell me why you took tso long getting your things from Sugawara ?”  
“We had a conversation with Hiro.” He blinked at the boy, who nodded vigorously to confirm these words.  
Hajime looked from one to the other, doubting the truth of these words, but he was too tired to drill about the topic. Hiro was whole and healthy, so he really had nothing to cling to.  
“Tomorrow we will clean up. I think we should start with the rubbish. Later, we will deal with things you may no longer need. “After a moment Daichi wrote a plan of action on the sheet.  
“It’s all right.” Iwaizumi replied dispassionately.  
However, compared to yesterday and morning, he was much more willing to cooperate. Daichi breathed a sigh of relief at his plan.  
“Hiro-kun, what class are you in?” He looked at the boy, who grumbled at the mentioning of school, picking at the remnants of his meal.  
“Second ...” he grunted softly, getting up from the table.  
Daichi looked confusedly at Hajime, who sighed heavily, combing his hair with his hand.  
“Since Rin died ... Hiro doesn’t feel like going to school. Everyone treats him like a handicapped one. He used to like school, enjoyed every day, but for the last half a year he’s only looking for excuses to not go there.”  
“He needs a new environment. In Tokyo, no one will judge him, at least not because of losing his mother.” He replied absently, understanding Hiro and his reluctance well . He was constantly reminded that his mother had died and that he would never be the same again.  
Iwaizumi was silent for a long moment as if analyzing his words. “Do you think Tokyo will really help him?”  
“It is worth a try. Here, everyone constantly reminds him of Rin’s death. Eternal compassion doesn’t help him cope with the pain. He needs a family now, but above all, normality. You both have to move forward. “  
“As usual, sober thinking.” He snorted irritably, setting his empty plate aside on the table.  
“Maybe my pain was born from a different reason, but believe me, I used to go through similar agonies. I took pity on myself and my life for a long time, Tetsu endured it with peace. He gave me space and time, but nothing changed. I was still in the same place, but I was too scared to change something. Fear destroyed my life. It was Tetsu who took my hand and pulled me forward.”  
Iwaizumi was silent, looking at him closely. Daichi sat stiffly, clenching his hands on his pants. He did not even know when he started crying, but he could not stop. He missed Kuroo. Iwaizumi tentatively embraced him, stroking his back soothingly.  
“I’m sorry that you had to go through this Sawamura.” Embarrassed, he looked away. If it was Tetsu, he would nestle into the brunet, letting himself be spoiled, but it was Iwaizumi and he could not allow it for several reasons.  
  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  
  


  
He was awakened with gentle pats on his cheeks and an unpleasant backache. Not to mention chills that passed through him. He moaned, rubbing his eyes. He saw Hiro sitting in his lap with his mascot. Confused, he looked at Iwaizumi, who was still sleeping next to him. Startled, he jumped up from the sofa, almost knocking the boy down. His body was pierced with a beam of unpleasant pain. He grunted loudly, regaining his balance.  
“Hiro-kun! You scared me!”  
“I’m hungry ...” he muttered bemused, hugging him with an apologetic expression on his face.  
Daichi laughed under his breath as he headed for the kitchen. He was happy that the little man accepted him despite his alleged distrust. He sat him on the chair, wondering what he should do. Hiro did not seem to like Japanese gourmet cuisine much, but ordinary sandwiches did not sound appealing. He opened one drawer thoughtfully, in which there were various molds for frying and cutting out dough.  
“Maybe we’ll make pancakes?” He asked excitedly, pulling everything out.  
Hiro looked at the devices he knew with a hint of pain, but eventually, he nodded in agreement; it was a much more interesting option than rice.  
“Tetsu would kill me for making breakfast like this.” He laughed under his breath, pulling out the products from the fridge.  
“Cats like meat.” He replied quietly, wondering if he remembered the lessons well.  
“Tetsu likes fish the most. He could eat it every day. When you're going to live with us, you’ll try a million different ways to make a fish dish.”  
Hiro frowned, reflecting on the psychological state of his new uncle. He has never heard that someone would make such sacrifices to their pet with such devotion. But his mother taught him not to judge people for any reasons, and especially criticizing something that really bothers no one.  
After a few minutes, a pile of pancakes in various shapes was on the largest plate waiting to be separated. Hiro who was overjoyed shouted out, calling his father into the kitchen. Daichi put jam, syrup, whipped cream, chocolate sauce and three cups of hot tea on the table that he had cleaned up.  
Iwaizumi entered the kitchen, mumbling something under his breath. Hiro pushed him to go faster before their breakfast would completely cool down. They sat at the table, and while Hiro was eating his portions with haste, Iwaizumi sat unconscious, holding his hand on his mug. Daichi did not know what was on his mind, but with glassy eyes, he suspected that this choice was not the best for his friend.  
  
Cleaning the house of the garbage took them a lot more time than he thought. There was no room where empty packaging of instant dishes would not lay. He was even in some sense impressed by how much you could litter your home.  
“Iwaizumi?” Daichi entered the small room, where Iwaizumi had cleaned up. Daichi ended up embracing their bedrooms, to not inflict any more pain than necessary. From what Hiro told him, Iwaizumi practically lived in the living room or in his son’s room since Rin's death.  
“Hm?” Hajime tied a sack of plastics, setting it aside.  
“Maybe we should take a small break? We’ve been cleaning up for a few hours ... “  
“Sure. What else is there to grasp? “  
“Garden.” He replied resignedly. Iwaizumi acted like a robot that followed his instructions. He even wondered if he himself had behaved so badly with Kuroo.  
“Will you make a meal for Hiro? He’s definitely hungry ...” Iwaizumi said after a moment of silence, scratching his neck.  
“Sure. I’ll do something to eat. When we get together before the new year, maybe we can do Osechi-ryori or toshikoshi soba ...”  
His words clearly surprised Iwaizumi. Even his typical grimace appeared on his face, but it quickly disappeared.  
“Since when are you a cook?”  
“We’ve already talked about it ...” He began quietly, feeling uncomfortable. He did not understand what was wrong with his words. They were traditional dishes, they could have nothing to do with Rin.  
“What do you want to achieve with this?! Show the world what a great guy you are?!”  
Daichi paled. He did not understand the outburst of Iwaizumi’s wrath. He didn't know how he should react to it.  
“You are the same as the rest. The righteous morals, like we have to go on with Hiro. That we must forget about Rin and live on!”  
“I’m not saying anything like that at all!! Rin will always be a part of your life! I don’t want you to forget about her! I want you to accept her death. She would not want to see you in this state! “  
“What can you know about it?! You don’t understand my pain!!”  
Daichi bit his lip trying to control his emotions. He could not let them manipulate him and say something that he would regret. Hajime speaks behind his pain and emotions that have not escaped since Rin’s death.  
“You’re right. I don’t understand your pain. I am not a single father who is struggling with everything alone. However, I'm trying to help you as a friend. I will not tell you that you should forget about Rin. Even I couldn’t do it. You don’t know how long I regretted that the person I fell in love with was not Rin. I loved her like my dearest friend. It would never have occurred that she could die.” He felt tears pour from his eyes, but he would not fight them. Finally, he spoke the truth. Iwaizumi looked confused. All the anger from his body left, leaving only despair. He sat on the bed, hiding his face in his hands.  
“Sawamura I miss her so much... I cannot live without her ...”  
He leaned against the wall, wiping tears from his face. Perhaps he was too weak to help Iwaizumi.  
“I don’t know if I understand you ... Until now, I thought that a love that happens once in life was just a cheap trope used by novelist. However, maybe they are right.” He swallowed, trying to choose his words carefully. “I understand that it is hard for you. You didn’t have the opportunity to throw away all these emotions. You are finally a father and you have to support Hiro, but ... You didn’t think to go to a psychiatrist? Both of you will find it useful ...”  
“You speak like Oikawa.” He muttered quietly, getting out of bed. “And you? Do you go to a psychiatrist? “  
Daichi fell silent, not answering anything. Iwaizumi smiled venomously as he left the room. Sawamura slid down the wall, crouching into the fetal position. He couldn't say that he didn't expect it, but he thought that he had pretended to be normal until now. Maybe he is not as good of an actor as he thought.  
It was difficult to eat at the table in silence, which predicted the arrival of a storm. Hiro looked from his father to Sawamura, not understanding what had happened. He thought that at last everything would go back to normal, but he seemed to have miscalculated his hopes. Sawamura ate quickly, wanting to get up from the table as soon as possible and leave the house. He felt that he was suffocating. Most of his heart wanted to take things and go back to Tokyo, to Kuroo, and forget what happened here. After all, he couldn't save the world with only empty intentions.

(´•ω•̥`)

Daichi was putting his shoes on when Hiro approached him shyly, hugging his mascot.  
“Will Uncle leave us too?” He asked quietly, tapping his leg.  
Daichi studied his glassy eyes, analyzing his words. His first thought was the he thought that Hiro meant his mother, but Rin did not just walk out the door. He let out a loud breath, scratching his neck. He really had a weakness for this little one.  
“I’m just going for a walk. I’ll be back.” He stroked his head and smiled gently.  
“Promise?”  
“You have my word.” He crouched in front of him, stretching out his little finger in front of him to make a promise.  
Hiro beamed, tangling his little finger with his, saying a mantra that would warn them both of what would happen to those that break the promise. Daichi went outside, taking in a deep breath of cool air. Winter in Tokyo is not as cold as it is in Miyagi, but he had to admit to himself that he missed his country life. He had the chance to play volleyball with the best team back in high school.  
He sat on a bench in the park, watching the children playing and the mothers sitting on the sidelines gossiping among themselves. Once, he came to this park to play with kids from the neighborhood, and then later to look after his siblings. When you are a child, life seems much simpler. There are no complicated matters that are difficult to solve. All you need to do is have a meat roll, and you can solve any problem.

  
_He gritted his teeth, feeling the chill drift from his feet to his ears. Irritated, he looked at the culprit of it, who was using a swing while drinking a beer. He breathed in the air, dropping his gaze on his open can.  
“Look at sky, not at the ground_ _,_ _Daichi.” Kuroo admonished him, but there was excitement in his voice.  
He moaned from the cold and sleepless. His eyes stung from the lack of sleep, and in addition, it was the middle of winter and not to mention that his outfit was not adequate for the temperature. He was wearing tracksuit trousers a white T-shirt, and slippers that didn't protect his feet from frost. Sometimes Kuroo could really give him a bite, but he couldn't argue with him_ _,_ _or look for meaning in their strange adventures.  
Resigned, he looked into the black sky. Nothing, however, could be seen, not even the moon. He opened his mouth to ask the meaning of dragging him out of bed when suddenly the sky was covered the sea of falling stars. Or rather, the rain of comets. The view was amazing; he had seen nothing like it before. As a child, he had heard of such events, but he usually overslept them.  
“Wow.” He spoke more to himself than to his lover, but Kuroo still snorted in response, feeling some pride in the brunette’s reaction.  
“Did you think of a wish?” Kuroo asked him, getting up to his feet when the sky was covered with black again.  
“Wish? Come on, that’s a fairy tale for children.” He replied amusedly as he followed him towards the house. Hachi trotted after them_ _,_ _happy with the night walk.  
“You spoil all the fun.” He muttered resigned_ _,_ _grabbing his hand. “I thought about something.”  
“To make Yaku finally understand the superiority of fish?”  
“It wouldn’t be a bad request.” He smiled amused. “I wished you would stay by my side until my death.”  
Taken aback, he looked down, feeling himself blushing. He himself did not understand why he felt so happy. But before tears escaped his eyes, he nestled into Tetsurou, who laughed in response._

  
He rubbed his tears-filled eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted. When he met Kuroo, he realized that something was pulling them together. It was easy to provoke him, but he also loved talking to him. He was grateful to Takeda-sensei for his insistence to resume their relationship with Nekoma High School. If it was not for him, Karasuno would never have gotten the chance from fate to see nationals. Kageyama himself couldn't do such a miracle. Were it not for Takeda-sensei and Kageyama, he would probably never have met Kuroo or Iwaizumi.  
“Sawamura?” A male voice spoke before him, pulling him away from his grim thoughts.  
He blinked several times, trying to understand who was standing in front of him. A tall man with dark brown hair, with a haircut somewhat reminiscent of coach Ukai, and a tall woman stood next to him, who reminded him of a yakuza member rather than a wife. Her silver eyes watched him intently, arousing anxiety in him. Between them stood a boy with a patch on his nose and a warlike face.  
“Ukai-san?” He replied uneasily, swallowing with difficulty, a lot of time since their last meeting.  
The woman chuckled, turning slightly away from him, and Ukai sighed heavily, blushing.  
“Don’t you recognize your coach ?!” He snapped off, sitting down next to him. “This is my wife. Haru, and my son Kei.”  
Sawamura bowed to greet them, and Haru laughed, waving her hand while walking with the boy to the playground, leaving them alone.  
“I have a nice wife, right?” He whispered aggressively, watching him. He nodded slightly, not knowing what to say. “The rest of the Karasuno guys usually ask how much I pay her for pretending to be my wife.”  
“They are jealous. Haru-san is a beautiful woman.” He muttered quietly, relaxing slightly.  
There was silence between them, which was not too burdensome. In high school, they were talking mainly about volleyball and their next moves, but this sport did not connect them anymore.  
“She was Takeda’s fiancée.” Ukai blurted out, lighting a cigarette.  
Surprised, Sawamura looked at the trainer waiting for a joke or something similar, but Ukai let out smoke without smiling for a moment.  
“Not that I planned it. I wished them all the best, but you know how Takeda is. He’s a decent guy, a bit boring for Haru. He couldn’t control her. Something like that ... I got involved in an affair and before I knew it, I fell in love and stole her from him.”  
“That not very pedagogical ...” He replied confused, analyzing Ukai’s words.  
“Probably.” He shrugged, quitting the rest of the cigarette. “Karasuno also doesn’t behave pedagogically towards you. Personally, I don’t care with who you sleep with. I only know that you were a really great captain who kept up the team’s morale. Be proud of it Sawamura. Life is too beautiful to care about what people think."  
“Ooh la la la ... What a teacher.” Haru went up to them amused. “The 'beautiful life' line is a little boring, but it’s great to keep repeating it in order to not lose yourself in the dark.” She sat on Ukai’s knees, smiling gently.  
“You know, I was at the meeting of my former team recently. We drank a lot of beer and reminisced about old times. Overall, it was really nice. I regret that your Karasuno is not tolerant enough to simply enjoy the shared adventures. Anyway, after the party, I sat next to a friend who disappeared from the radar for a few years. Nobody knew what happened to him.” Sawamura listened carefully to his story, feeling somewhat rebuilt. “When we started talking, he confessed to me that he had cut himself off from fear. He is gay and decided that if we found out about it, we would not let him live happily and he would lose friends. If he would have told me this when I was 15 years old, I wouldn’t haven't been so tolerant, probably like the rest of the team. Being different is terrifying. Especially in a country where homosexuality is practically stigmatized, as well as being a woman. With time, comes the reflection that someone’s orientation doesn’t affect our lives, but you must grow up to realize it.”  
Sawamura did not expect such a confession from his mouth, but somewhere deep inside he had to agree with him. The passing years really matter how we look at certain situations. He was lucky that his former coach, despite passaging years, did not change at all, and is still a nice guy who tries to support his pupils.  
Kei ran up to them with a new wound on his knee. Despite the blood that slowly ran down his leg, he grinned happily, reaching out to his mother, who immediately hugged him. Ukai sighed resignedly, muttering questions under his breath about who Kei had inherited his wild nature from, such that he could not survive even one day without getting wounded.  
Haru straightened up, grabbing her son’s hand, saying goodbye to Daichi and drifting to the exit of the park.  
“People are weird,” Ukai said, lighting a cigarette, looking at the confused brunette. “They have their fetishes and often go beyond the lines of good taste. Don’t worry about envy from the former team. They will understand one day that this is how it is with love. And if they make jokes of you, that’s their shit. I once heard in the corridor of Karasuno that Takeda and I would make a lovely couple with . I know we’re close to each other in the age, but to hear something like that from high school girls was shocking and a little creepy. I respect Takeda, but to their despair, I have never thought of him in the category of romance. Just like I never treated my team like my own children. It’s part of my duties and passions. However, there are people who like to overwrite reality to their liking. Don’t waste your life on assholes. Hold on.” He knew the coach’s words were true. He should distance himself from what is going on around him. Kuroo said it to him more than once. However, he could not control it. It was not like he wanted it. He wanted, like everyone else, to laugh sincerely and not always reflect on how much he would like to disappear. How he was constantly undermine the goodness of others and was even be ready for Kuroo to leave him someday. He did not want it. He did not want to live in this sea of hopelessness. And yet the more he struggled, the faster he sunk to the bottom. He could not break out of this. He poisoned life not only for himself, but for the people around him. He has wasted the lives of Yui, Kuroo, Bokuto ... He has done nothing good all his life. His silhouette had fallen. He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice when it started to snowing. He did not feel the snow melting on his skin. He had lost his sense of time.

  
_He did not know why he had agreed. He did not even like this kind of thing. Who for God’s sake pays others to scare them? As if life was not terrifying enough. He looked at Kuroo, who was happily watching other attractions. He did not look terrified at the slightest. He felt like an idiot because he was bouncing at every figure, shout or noise. Finally after a few minutes their adventure in the haunted prison was completed, releasing them into the fresh air. He breathed a sigh of relief_ _,_ _ignoring the ironic smirk of his boyfriend.  
"You are very pale Daichi! I didn’t think you were afraid of horrors.”As usual, Kuroo tried to direct his thoughts in a different direction.  
“You could have asked. It would have saved me from a potential heart attack.” He muttered under his breath, feeling unable to tease Tetsu.  
“Come on, it was somehow class V, which stands under Very bad.”  
“Maybe for you! You don’t seem to be hurting over anything, but I’m different!” He burst out furiously, clenching his hands. “Don’t tell me what should be terrible for me and what shouldn’t!” He turned away, running towards the toilets. He felt tears running down his cheeks, but he would not fight them.  
It was pathetic, even in his eyes. Kuroo just wanted to do something new. Kuroo had found a haunted house with the smallest number of horror stars, but he could not appreciate it. He hated himself so much. If only he could disappear ...  
“Stop, Daichi!” Kuroo grabbed his hand with intensity, forcing him to stop, and hugging him hard enough so that he could not escape from his grip. “I love you.”  
Daichi held his breath at the sound of these words. He sobbed loudly, cuddling in Tetsu, who stroked him on the back, saying nothing more._

  
He raised his head, feeling someone’s presence. To his surprise, he saw Iwaizumi and Hiro. Iwaizumi held his umbrella above him, shielding Daichi from the snow, which was falling harder every moment.  
“Hiro was worried about you ...” An embarrassed Iwaizumi looked away, and the boy grinned at him, enjoying the sight of him in one piece.  
“Thank you ...” he muttered flustered, getting up from the bench.  
Hiro with his small frog umbrella ran ahead, enjoying the weather. Daichi walked in silence beside Hajime, who was watching his son closely. There was a strange tension between them that had never occurred before. He did not know what to say, or what to do in such a situation.  
“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi blurted out, looking at him grumpily. “I know that I can behave irrationally. When Rin died, many people visited us. However, due to my behavior, they stopped appearing. I didn’t notice it, but Hiro seemed to be experiencing it. I’m a terrible father. “  
“It’s not true. You are perfect for Hiro. It would be easy to die, but you still tried to fight on living without Rin. People usually lack the patience for human tragedies that don’t affect them.” He tried to sound natural, but his hoarse voice did not sound too sure.  
“It’s funny how reasonable you sound, even though you’re experiencing a lot of misery yourself.” Iwaizumi smiled warmly at him for the first time. Daichi could not control his emotions. He missed th at smile. Behind the smile which seemed so alien on Hajime's face, was an additional layer of attractiveness.  
Hiro shouted to them, urging them forward slightly. He was already hungry and could not wait for what Sawamura was going to cook them this time. Daichi laughed out loud, speeding up his pace. Iwaizumi followed them, looking up at the sky. He felt an internal conflict. On the one hand, Sawamura’s presence pleased him. Having someone else in the house really helped, but on the other hand, he felt guilty about Rin. Though the guilt was an exaggeration of what he felt.  
“Iwaizumi?”  
“You know ... I have the feeling that Rin knew you would come back in my life someday.”  
Daichi smiled understandingly. “It’s possible. She had the gift of anticipation.”  
They walked on in silence, but this time the atmosphere was reminiscent of their university days.  
“Rin knew who you fell in love with, right?”  
Daichi felt as though he was a little pale. He did not know what he should answer, but on the other hand, eternally escaping from the past would do nothing. It would come back someday.  
“Mhmm ... She was very perceptive.” He replied embarrassed. He did not want to admit his feelings.  
“Was it me?” Iwaizumi addressed him with the most serious expression on his face.  
He covered his face with his hands, feeling himself blush. He did not expect this. After all, he did not give him any clues for two years!  
“Yes ...” he muttered finally, feeling idiotic.  
“Now I understand why Rin cut every conversation about you short. She didn’t want me to find out about it from third parties.”  
“She was really the nicest person I knew.”  
“And she was my wife.” He replied cheerfully, extending his hand out. “You know I wouldn’t laugh at you or anything like that, do you?”  
“I know. It wouldn’t be your style. “  
“No no. I would laugh at Oikawa. “He laughed softly, squeezing the snow to form a small ball. “Are you happy now in your relationship?”  
“Tetsu is everything to me. However, part of me still loves you. “  
“Really? What do you see in me? “  
“You are a unique Grumpy Cat.” He replied casually, trying to hide his blush.  
“ Are you making fun of me? I remind you that you are no better with your serious appearance, when you are really a dork.”  
“Correction. I was.”  
“You are. You forgot how to enjoy your life, “he replied harshly, throwing a snowball at him.  
Daichi opened his mouth in amazement. He did not expect such behavior from Iwaizumi, who was in despair a few hours ago.  
“You aren’t dying, right?” He asked uncertainly, remembering that sometimes animals will regain their old verve the day before their death.  
“Are you crazy?! It’s just ... You were right. I have to go forward. For myself and Hiro. Plunging into eternal despair will not bring Rin back. It’s been two years since her death, and I still haven’t accepted it. I have to pull myself together. “  
“... Wasn’t I talking about a visit to a psychiatrist?” He looked at him in confusion, feeling that memory was playing tricks with him.  
“Isn’t it the same?”  
“Well, yes ...” He replied submissively, wanting to fall under the ground. He confessed his love to Iwaizumi, but everything went on as if it did not occur at all. And he did not even know if it pleased him or not.  
“DAAAAAD!!” Hiro shouted to them wearily, pushing the button next to the lights again.  
“We’re coming!” He shouted at him, smiling under his breath. “When ypu left ... I thought I heard Rin scolding me for my behavior ... That was the first time I felt something like that since her death ... “Daichi smiled tenderly, unable to find an adequate answer to this confession. He only found the answer for himself. Iwaizumi accepted his preferences and love, but he did not intend to associate with him. His heart will always belong to Rin. “Do you think I’m crazy?” Iwaizumi bit his lip, eyeing Sawamura out of the corner of his eye.  
“No. I think it’s normal. She’s still watching over you.”  
Iwaizumi smiled in response. For the last two years, he has been closed off to other people. He got angry for whatever reason, and refused to accept help. Even his parents were worried, and they had begged him to leave Hiro with them. He behaved irrationally, and was tired of life and the pity that all of them showed him. Others whispered that this was predictable. From the very beginning, his relationship with Rin has been controversial in people's eyes. However, Sawamura was the only person who accepted Rin with no buts. Perhaps this was also the reason why his words reached his heart. “Thank you, Sawamura.” He murmured softly, focusing on Hiro, who was jumping around Jirou’s figurine. Sawamura felt a growing blush on his cheeks. He lowered his eyes, feeling the unpleasant stabs of pain in his heart. Does not he betrays Kuroo in this way?

  
  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
  
_He entered the classroom looking for Oikawa. They were about to go to the gym to introduce themselves to the club. His eyes rested on the bench where his friend sat,, flirting with a group of girls, as per usual . He tiredly sighed at the sight of it. It was always the same. Everyone was crazy about Oikawa_ _,_ _as if he was some kind of idol. He remained in the shadow. Most of the girls were afraid of him.  
“I’m sorry ...” A quiet girlish voice spoke in front of him, slightly frightening him. He jumped back, noticing a plump brunette with a sketchbook in her hands. Her long wavy hair obscured her face, but overall she was really cute.  
“I’m sorry. I blocked the exit from the room. “He replied confused_ _,_ _scratching his neck. He wondered what kind of face he was puling? Is it curved in anger again?  
The girl raised her head slightly, smiling warmly at him. She added nothing_ _,_ _but ran away to the toilets. So he must have been frowning.  
“Iwa-chan! There you are! We’re going to the club?”  
“Well, that’s the plan.” He flinched irritably, trying to control his breath. He had no chance. The girls always go to Oikawa._ _  
_

  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Sawamura looked at him confused for the past few minutes Iwaizumi kept quietly walking beside him with teary eyes. Daichi as though he should ask what was wrong, but he was afraid of another outburst and the words that would go after it. Hiro runs before them without realizing that his father is on the edge of falling apart.

  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
_“Hey.” He greeted shyly, leaning out of the window.  
The girl looked up at him with a delicate blush. She turned off the water, putting the hose aside to talk to him calmly.  
“Shouldn’t you go to training?”  
“I just wanted to say hi. You are cruel_ _,_ _Honda-san.” He smiled amused, trying to ignore the beating of his heart.  
“You know I like spending time with you Iwaizumi-san, but we’re from two different worlds. You should focus on your dream.”  
He clenched his lips shut_ _,_ _trying to suppress his anger. He should have expected the rumors to come to her.  
Even he heard them. Maybe she was a complete loser in sports, but he did not require her to train with him. Why do others not understand this?  
“Honda-san ...” He began slowly_ _,_ _weighing each word. He was not sure if he should tell her now, how he felt about her, when finally realized that he still was not sure of his feelings.  
“Are you going, Iwaizumi?” Matsukawa showed up, tapping him on the back.  
“What? Ah, yeah I’m going. We’ll talk some other time. For now.” He waved to her, following quickly behind Matsukawa, who was watching him closely.  
“Do you know this girl is unlucky? Everyone is saying that. She brings death.”  
“I didn’t think you believed in these rumors.” He flinched irritably, speeding up his pace.  
“You better let her go, Iwaizumi, it will be best for you.”  
He turned to him, wanting to punch him. He did not understand what everything was about. For him, Honda was the same as any other girl. He did not understand why everyone was avoiding her._  


  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
They came back home in total silence. Sawamura looked once again at Iwaizumi , who probably didn’t even realize himself that he was crying, but Daichi sighed , walking to the kitchen to make food. It’s not his place to say anything. If Iwaizumi is remembering his wife , he can’t just stop him from it. It was even hard to find proper words to deny such a thing. He felt as though he was in a losing position. How did Kuroo even do it with him?  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
_He clenched his hands on his pants, trying not to destroy the room. He could not believe what he saw and what he had heard. In the beginning, he thanked the gods for the favor and the opportunity to meet Rin outside the school. However, what he saw completely shook him. For the first time, he felt powerless. He was only 16 at the time, in the law's light he was nothing. He had no position, no money, no strength. However, if he does not do something, Rin will die. And it’s from the hands of her own mother. How can a person who gave life to the other be able to wield such hatred for her? Shouldn’t mother love their children unconditionally ?! It is absurd._  
  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Iwaizumi did not eat with them. He sat on the couch crying and clenching his fists in anger. Something bothered him to the point of trembling. Sawamura looked at Hiro , who shrugged in response , trying to savor his food.  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
_“Rin? What happened? “He went to her, hugging her gingerly. He hated when she cried. He felt like he had let her down.  
“It’s no big deal. I’m just sad. Women get like this sometimes.” She replied quietly_ _,_ _hugging him.  
She lied. He felt it. Something must have happened, but she did not dare tell him. And that meant that someone from the volleyball team told her something. He pushed her away from him, brushing the hair off her face. Only then did he notice the bruises on her neck. Bruises resembling the shape of hands.  
“WHO_ _?_ _” He asked harshly_ _,_ _demanding an answer.  
“Hajime it's not a big deal ...” She mumbled quietly_ _,_ _trying to calm him down, but he did not pay attention to it. He wanted an answer. She fell silent_ _,_ _seeing that whatever she would try to say, he would not let go. “Oikawa ...”  
“WHAT ?!” He stood up furiously_ _,_ _heading for the exit. Rin ran after him_ _,_ _grabbing him by his shirt to stop him. “LET GO! I’LL KILL HIM!”  
“Stop! He is your friend! He ... He feels like I’m stealing you. You both wanted to go to Tokyo, but you going to stay here because of me. He was furious_ _,_ _saying I’m wasting your future, that ... I am destroying your friendship ... Anger has blinded his mind, I’m sure he didn’t want to. He apologized to me when he realized what he had done ...”  
He looked at her, how she cried, squeezing his shirt, trying to save their friendship. She always put his life above hers. He sighed, feeling as though he was in a losing position. He did not know if Oikawa really apologized, but that did not matter anymore. If he beat him, Rin would never forgive herself._  


  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
  
Over the following days, Sawamura watched the inhabitants of the house closely, making mental notes. Hiro seemed like a normal child who spends winter holidays in blissful laziness and does nothing at all. He often circled around him, asking for the next meal or the opportunity to go for a walk. However, what disturbed him was that Hiro avoided the shrine. He behaved as if it did not exist at all. But Iwaizumi, despite what he said a few days ago, was still depressed. He stopped helping segregating things, and spent his time either sitting in front of the shrine talking to Rin, or sitting in silence. Sawamura felt dotted. He had the impression that things had not even moved a millimeter. Perhaps Iwaizumi only improved in the matter of his behavior, as he was no longer angry at anything. It improved their relations so much that Daichi felt comfortable enough to tell him about his life in Tokyo, which interested him in his own way.  
“What school will be the best for Hiro?” He asked from the plate, looking at his son, who was picking out a green pepper from the plate. “Hiro, eat everything.”  
“Boo.” He muttered under his breath, wincing with distaste. Daichi felt somewhat guilty. He should have asked the little guy what he does not like.  
“Don’t cry, just eat. If you don’t eat, there won’t be any dessert.” Hajime replied firmly, paying no attention to Sawamura, who was already gesturing in defense of the boy.  
Grumbling, Hiro took the paprika to his mouth, biting it with obvious pain. Hajime turned from the brunette's side, expecting an answer to his question.  
“I was thinking about Nekoma. It’s a good school, and I know one teacher there who will be happy to keep an eye on Hiro. “  
“An old friend from the team?”  
Iwaizumi once listened to a multitude of novels about matches between Karasuno and Nekoma. He knew about every member, as Daichi spoke enough about them for Hajime toremember it all. However, that was years ago and the realization that Hajime still remembers them going out for beer and the conversation made him thrilled.  
“Yes. Kai surprisingly found himself in the role of a primary-school teacher. He teaches mathematics, although he also runs the volleyball club.”  
Daichi looked at Hiro, curious about his reaction to his words. He wondered if he loved this sport as much as his father, or whether he went more into the artistic side. Hiro, however, continued to torment his peppers, completely ignoring their conversation.  
“I will contact the facility after the new year.”  
He did not expect Hajime to make such a decision so quickly. He thought it would take weeks before he would convince him to any of the Tokyo offices. He shrugged his negative thoughts away; he had no reason to question the behavior of his friend. He was quite pleased with such a turn of events.  
He cleaned in Hiro’s room the day before New Year’s Eve. Only now he saw what kind of child Hiro is. The shelves were full of stuffed animals and figurines of Godzilla. On the desk, apart from notebooks and books, was a box full of crayons. On the bookshelf, apart from manga, there were coloring books. There were more of them than the comics. Surprised, he approached it, reaching for the first to look through it. This one was filled with various floral patterns that were perfectly colored. It was not just about not going beyond the line. The colors had their own depths. He held his breath, pulling one of the sheets out, seeing a drawing of a sleeping Iwaizumi.  
“I brought sacks and links!” Hiro ran inside, waving objects freely. He came up curiously to the brunette, looking at the picture in his hands. “Ah! This is a mom’s drawing! I have them filled up among books.” He explained cheerfully, reaching for a few coloring books and pulling out the drawing sheets from them, throwing the rest in the sack.  
“Your mother’s drawings are breathtaking.” He smiled warmly, putting the paper back on the desk. It was normal. Rin always had a sketchbook with her, ready to draw something at any time. She did it even when drunk. He asked her once for some strange mutants that eventually came out amazingly, as if they were created for some games or fantasy comics.  
“Do you like drawing?” He asked suddenly, packing individual pages into the found file.  
“I prefer to color.” He replied quietly, looking through the comics.  
He wondered what he should say. He could assure him that he is a talented in this field, or assure him that even if he did it too little when Rin lived, it means nothing, because that is the law of childhood. No child lives knowing that they will have to say goodbye to their parents and that they should spend more time with them. However, he said nothing, going back to cleaning up. It was difficult for him to talk to Hiro for some time. He did not understand which topics are okay (except food), and which it is better to avoid, as to not to make him more sad.  
“Uncle plays volleyball like dad?” Hiro asked quietly, playing with the ball he found under his bed.  
“I’ve played. Now I'm going to look for a normal job." He turned to him smiling at the view of the worn-out ball.  
“And in what position?”  
“I was a wing spiker.”  
“Like dad.” He smiled weakly, losing the cheerfulness which he had shown him for the last days. “What school did you go to, Uncle ? To the same as dad?”  
He laughed softly at the thought of going to Aoba Johsai. Maybe if he pressed himself to study, he could have passed the exams, but Karasuno was close and at that time it really impressed him. Anyway, going to the same school as Oikawa would be tiring. He knew what was happening thanks to Iwaizumi’s stories.  
“I went to Karasuno.” He replied after a while, smiling nostalgically at the memory of the team with which he did much more than people expected.  
“Did you go to school with Nishinoya-san?!” Hiro suddenly beamed, leaning towards him. “He’s amazing!!”  
“Ha ha ha ... Yes, I think so too. Do you like him? “He replied uncertainly, glancing at his hands. He felt proud that he had played with Noya. At least, only a few people could boast about playing in on the same team as the national team libero. Noya has really gone far and became an idol for many young volleyball players. In total, it did not surprise him. Noya always liked to play the role of a good senpai. All of the constant comments related to his height must have given him some thought that there are people who think that being small excludes them from playing any sport. Now, thanks to the wild Libero, they have a vivid example that being small is not the end of the world.  
“He is amazing!! He’s always there when the team needs him! “  
“He always saved our ass.” He replied, amused by the boy’s enthusiasm. “Once I had recordings of our games. I’d love to show it to you, but unfortunately, I lost it. “  
“ Too bad.” Hiro dimmed again, putting the ball aside. He returned to reviewing his collection and Daichi watched him guiltily. If he had kept his mouth shut that night and continued his game of love with Michimiya, he would be able to go to his old home and take away the box of old recordings and photos. His younger siblings would get along with him, and now that he’s quickly gaining weight without volleyball, his parents, would probably ask him how he's living. Everything would be so normal ...  
“Uncle?” Hiro came to him worried, grabbing his hand. “I’m sorry!”  
“Hm?” Surprised, he looked down at him, feeling slightly lost. It took him a moment to realize that he was crying. “Oh ... It’s not your fault. I thought about my deceased hamster.”  
Adults sometimes have a tendency to lie to children. Sometimes, however, their lies are so irrational that even children know that they are being cheated. What they lack is forbearance. As an adult, he understands that when he is cheated in such a situation, he let's go it because he understands that the person does not want to talk about it, but children don't understand that.  
“That is the worst lie I've ever heard. If I did something wrong, then you have to tell me, because then I do not know what to apologize for!” Hiro cried to himself, feeling the frustration of the whole situation. He wanted to make friends with Daddy’s friend with all his might. Finally, Sawamura Daichi was hrre. Uncle, whom his mother told him so many times. Original Dai-san! His mother told him that once things were terrible, Sawamura-san would appear, and everything would change for the better.  
To say that Daichi was in shock would be a misunderstanding. He was completely stirred. He was used to Kuroo and how he gave him space. He had let go of his lies, but being criticized by a child was like a slap in the face. “Sorry, Hiro, it was wrong on my part. I just... I mentioned my family, and I felt sad. I did not even notice when I started to cry. But for my excuse, I will add that I really had a hamster once.” Hiro did not look convinced. He narrowed his eyes and looked at him carefully, but in the end, he hugged him hard, trying to comfort him. Daichi smiled, embracing the boy uncertainly.  
  
_He stepped from foot to foot_ _,_ _tired of all this waiting. His grandmother sat calmly in the chair_ _,_ _watching him carefully.  
“Daichi, calm down. Sit next to me.” She patted the seat beside her, smiling warmly.  
He looked at her impatiently. He did not understand why it was taking so long. He would swear that eternity had passed since his father followed the nurse to the room where his mother was. Why do his grandparents look so controlled?!  
After a few minutes, a breathy and overjoyed father ran into the waiting room, taking his son by the hand, spinning him several times. Daichi snorted amused, shouting with his father, who seemed to completely ignore that they were in the hospital. The stroke of a stick on the man’s leg interrupted everything . He grunted in pain, put his son down, and looked apologetically at the rest of the people who were watching them.  
“TWINS! You’ve got siblings Daichi!” He lifted the boy, unable to calm down.  
Daichi beamed, hugging his grandfather, who at that moment woke up from his nap_ _,_ _mumbling with great happiness. Finally, he will have siblings, he will not be alone anymore. He will have someone to play with at home.  
Granny nodded happily, scrambling to her feet. She waved to her husband, who only nodded, staying behind. Daichi looked back at his grandfather, who had less and less strength every day. And yet he insisted on going to the hospital with them and seeing his new grandson with his own eyes.  
“What about grandfather?” He asked granny quietly, who was walking next to him.  
“Your grandfather will join us later when the nurse finds time for him.” She replied gently, stroking his hair. “Now you will have to look after your siblings and give them a good example. Your parents are counting on you, Daichi.”  
_  
  
“You look like shit.” Iwaizumi gave him a cup of tea, sitting down in an armchair.  
“I’m sorry that I was not born with perfect beauty like Oikawa.” He burrowed as he sat down to drink.  
“Nah. You look much better than him.” He smiled as he sipped his drink. “I heard from Hiro that you cried at the mention of your family. I did not know that they were dead. You only told me about your one uncle ... “  
“They are alive.” He replied quietly, peering out the window. “I’m dead to them.”  
  
  
_She pushed him away from her, practically throwing him off the bed. The color on her cheeks were slowly disappearing_ _,_ _only to return with redoubled strength, but this time for another reason.  
“What did you say?” She hissed through clenched teeth_ _,_ _trying to control her emotions.  
“Nothing!” He replied panicked, putting his boxers on. “Yui-“  
“SHUT UP! You said Iwaizumi!! Oh my God! Did you have sex with me thinking about IWAIZUMI?!“ she shouted furiously, dressing hastily.  
“It’s not like that! Let me explain! “He tried to catch her and calm her down, but she pushed him away again, running out of the room.  
“ WasI just a cover for you?! Have you been playing with my feelings?! How could you?!” she screamed through her tears, ignoring that it was the middle of the night and that she will be waking everyone up.  
“YUI!” He ran after her, not knowing what to say_ _,_ _h_ _ow to explain what happened.  
“What’s going on here for God’s sake?” His father came out of the bedroom annoyed.  
“Congratulations, your son is GAY!” Yui replied furiously, stepping out of their house with a bang of the door.  
Daichi swallowed hard_ _,_ _looking at his father, who expressed no emotions, except a cold gaze.  
“Is this true?” It was a short question filled with icy anger.  
“I don’t know ... I think so ...” He muttered confused, not having the courage to lie to his father's face. He couldn’t.  
“Pack your things and get out of this house. I don’t want to see you here anymore.” He returned to the bedroom without giving Daichi a chance to defend himself.  
Daichi looked pleadingly at his mother, who was crying in the bedroom door. He thought maybe she would support him. “I didn’t raise him like this ... How could he do this to us? We'll be ridiculed! This is not my son anymore.”  
Shocked, he retreated into the room, not knowing what to do next. He just lost his home and family. And it was difficult for him to understand everything. He packed the most important things while moving to the exit. Before he went outside, however, he turned back for the last time_ _,_ _counting on a miracle. Awakened as if by a bad dream, he instead saw his siblings sleepy and full of bitterness.  
“You failed us, onii-san. We liked Yui-neesan so much. How could you hurt her?!”  
He didn't know either. And that was the worst of it all. With his head down, he went straight into the unknown outside the gate.  
_  
  
Iwaizumi said nothing. He felt stupid for starting this topic at all. He knew what attitude people have towards homosexuals, especially in the older generation. It did not occur to him that the Sawamura family might be one of the conservative ones. Daichi was the only one who did not mind Rin. He was forgiving and tolerant most times. He had to get it from his family, right?  
“Why did you name your son Hiro?” Sawamura looked at the landscape outside the window, feeling tired of all this. He wanted to go back to Tokyo. To Tetsu.  
“Rin wanted our son to be tolerant and never struggled with poverty.” He replied, ashamed, scratching his neck  
“And the real reason?” He turned to him with a gentle smile. He knew it was not a lie, knowing Rin was probably thinking about such aspects of life, but it sounded too trivial.  
“Because it sounds like the English word 'hero'. Rin kept saying that our son would be the hero of his life.”  
He laughed, covering his mouth with his free hand. It sounded so absurd, but that was characteristic of Rin’s thinking. Only she could come up with such an idea. Iwaizumi would probably call his son after Godzilla or some famous sportsman.  
“You know ... When Hiro was three years old, I felt an aversion to him.” Hajime said seriously, putting the cup down on the table. Daichi looked at him in disbelief." He reminded me of myself, dot to dot. Apart from his eyes and hair, there is nothing else he inherited from Rin. It’s as if the world was trying to erase her presence. Children are rarely clones of their parents, but Hiro is one of those small percentages. Of course, Rin was crazy about him. She loved him, and she kept nagging me that we had to enjoy it because when he grows up he probably won't be like that anymore.”  
He could not say he did not understand him. Rin was like a ghost. Few people really noticed her, most notoriously avoided her. He always wondered about it, because Rin was the most wonderful woman he had ever met. She was nice and tolerant. She could forgive everything. She would probably even forgive her own murderer for killing her.  
“And yet she left something behind.” He replied quietly, placing the empty cup on the table, rubbing his eyes free from the tears.  
“Yes ... Something left. Lots of memories and a son ...”  
He smiled, looking at the snow falling outside the window. A few years ago, he sat on this sofa waiting for tea and cake. Next to him sat Yui, who was talking with Iwaizumi about volleyball and running the team. The tinkling of dishes came from the kitchen, along with Rin’s quiet laugh as she heard what her boyfriend was saying about high school. At the time, he was not totally in love with his friend. It was a light infatuation that lifted his spirits when he had doubts about whether volleyball really was for him. During his visits, he never saw Oikawa or anyone from Aoba Johsai, but he never had the courage to ask why. Anyway, he was too happy to have Iwaizumi only to himself.  
“Sawamura?” Iwaizumi broke the silence, looking at his friend.  
“Yes?”  
“Do you need to talk about something? Throw something out of yourself? You have been doing this for me for the last few days, so I thought maybe you needed something like that too ... “  
“No. Don’t worry about me. I’m doing fine.” He smiled with extortion without even looking at him.  
He did not like talking about his problems. About his mental illness. He knew perfectly well he has depression; he was so old that it was pointless to deny something so obvious. He could not deal with it. This disease was irrational. He himself could not explain why he was sad, why there are days when he pushes everyone away, doubting Kuroo’s love. He knows in his heart that Kuroo loves him, that it is not from pity, but there are days when he can not bear his tenderness, kisses, and care. And he could not explain logically why it was happening. He was afraid to go to a therapist and meet with him, only to report that he hasn't made any progress. He felt trapped. He had nowhere to run, and it strangled him.

(´•ω•̥`)

The next day, after breakfast Iwaizumi dressed Hiro for a walk. Daichi rose from the sofa to go with them, but Hajime refused additional company. They waved goodbye to him, then went outside.  
“Where are we going?” Hiro held his father’s hand, feeling strangely overjoyed.  
“To buy a cake and a gift for Sawamura.” He replied calmly, checking in his pockets to make sure he took his wallet.  
“What for?”  
“Because he has a birthday today.”  
“HURRAY!” Hiro shouted happily, imagining what event awaits them.  
“Relax, Hiro. First, we have to arrange what we need and then we can celebrate.” He smiled softly, not remembering when was the last time he thought about someone else’s happiness. They haven't celebrated a single birthday for two years. Today, however, he felt so cheerful that he wanted to do something for someone else. Hiro let go of his hand and ran to their favorite bakery that they used to visit with Rin.  
  
_“There are so many bakeries in this city, why exactly this one?” He sighed tiredly, adjusting the bags in his hands. Rin smiled warmly, stroking her stomach.  
“Because it is the best. The products are natural and sweet. If you try it yourself, you’ll find that it’s worth going this long way.”  
“I don’t understand it, but if you love their products so much, then who am I to forbid you?” He shrugged, leaning towards her to kiss her on the cheek.  
“Aren’t you perhaps a CHAMPION?” She replied amused, opening the door of the cake shop.  
“RIN!” He moaned in shame as he stepped inside._  
  
  
He joined his son, who was already stuck to the counter, looking for the tastiest cake of all. The young saleswoman smiled professionally, trying not to look at the fingerprints Hiro was leaving on the glass. An elderly woman came out of the back room with a new portion of biscuits, but when she saw Iwaizumi, she smiled happily, putting the tray down on the table.  
“Iwaizumi-san! Is that really you? It’s probably been two years since…” She paused, biting her lip.  
Iwaizumi smiled weakly, understanding the woman’s discomfort. A year ago, he almost attacked her when she spotted him in the shop, only for asking him how he was after losing his wife.  
“It's fine. We’re slowly getting over some stuff.” He answered calmly as he approached the counter, calling his son to behave. “We want the tastiest cake you have.”  
“Of course! And what is the occasion? “The woman wobbled up, seeing him in a much better mood than last time.  
“My friend has a birthday today. And right now he’s probably preparing for us a feast for the whole year.” He smiled, as he was convinced it was true. Ever since Daichi appeared in their lives, they could not complain about the lack of food. It was even too much. Thanks to this, he gained some weight, and Hiro also regained his former energy.  
Hiro grinned at his father’s comment. The food from the boxes was not that bad, but Sawamura’s food tasted like his mother’s. He hoped that he would eat them for a long time.  
He turned on his heel at the sound of the doorbell, as he watched the new guest enter. He stood up, running up to the woman.  
“Kiyoko-san!” He extended his arms to hug her, which was immediately reciprocated. The brunette crouched, hugging him to herself.  
“Hey.” She replied quietly, enjoying his presence. She looked at Iwaizumi, who was watching her closely. “Iwaizumi ...” She began carefully.  
“Hi. How's Oikawa? “He replied amused, stepping aside to look through the catalog.  
“It varies. He misses playing volleyball, but right now he is doing fine.” She went to the counter, ordering some milk bread and a fruit tart.  
“Children sure can take a lot of time.” He muttered amused, showing cakes to Hiro, who only frowned in response.  
“You should visit us. And what exactly are you doing?” She took her order, and then came up to them. “Cake for the new year?”  
“NO! This cake is for Sawamura-san! “Hiro replied angry, throwing the catalog on the ground. Iwaizumi sighed heavily. It would have been better if he asked the person of interest what he liked to eat outside of ramen. “Sawamura Daichi?” Kiyoko replied surprised.  
“Um..no...yes ... He lives with us ... Until the beginning of the new semester.” He muttered bemusedly rushing Hiro to pick up the catalog and put it on the counter.  
“Ah ... I understand.” She smiled meaningfully, heading for the exit. “If my memory serves me correctly, Daichi likes Castella.” She waved and left, leaving them alone.  
Iwaizumi sighed, with nothing to lose. Sawamura never belonged to those sweet-tooth people, and he preferred salty snacks. Hiro grumbled slightly, noticing that the cake was boring without any additions. But it strangely suited Sawamura, who also seemed boring, but when you got to know him better, you were pleasantly surprised. Howver, that did not change the fact that he was counting on something more fruity.  
  
After picking up the order, they went on their way. Hiro walked next to him, looking carefully from side to side. He did not know this road; it was not the direction of their typical stores, nor the settlements of his parents’ acquaintances. He noticed a signpost for the subway, which excited him. Until now, he only went to school by subway, but now he was hoping to see a different route. To his disappointment, they crossed the roadway away from the descent to the underworld. Resigned, he looked at the bus stop, which put him in a good mood again. Iwaizumi paused before the timetable, trying to figure out which bus would be the best. He visited his kouhai only once before in his life, even during the middle school. He was not sure if was making the right decisions, but that was the only thing that came to his mind. It was also the only plan that had a chance of success.  
“Where are we going?” Hiro tried to read the information on the board, but some characters were still a mystery to him.  
”You will see.” He smiled in response, trying not to let him know that he did not even know if that person was still living at that address.  
They got into the nearest bus and sat down at the back, admiring the view outside the window. This year, winter stayed in the city and never let it go for a moment. It was as if it wanted to clean the lands from the dirt.  
After a few minutes of driving, they got out in a district full of small blocks. He headed to the right street, admiring how throughout the years the small district had grown to a large one, and that the park that was once on the right was reduced in favor of the restaurant.  
They stood before the gate to an apartment. Iwaizumi took a deep breath before pressing the button. Hiro frowned as he tried to read the name next to the button. He did not know these signs, which meant that he was not a close friend of his father. Perhaps it was Sawamura’s friend?  
The door opened, revealing a tall brunette with a terrible expression on his face. Hiro hid behind his father for security.  
“Hey, Kageyama.” Iwaizumi mumbled, stroking Hiro’s head.  
Kageyama looked at him, surprised and confused. He did not think he would ever meet his old senpai again.  
“Something happened?” He asked uncertainly, coming closer. He heard about what had happened. However, he did not think that he would be a person who could help him.  
Iwaizumi was confused. He imagined their meeting differently, but the dark-haired man seemed not too happy about the fact that he must waste time on him.  
“I just wanted to ask if you do you perhaps have a Kuroo Tetsurou's number.”  
“Kuroo-san? No. What do you need him for?”  
“I need to talk to him.” He replied flustered, feeling more and more idiotic. Maybe he made a mistake.  
“I can get it.” Kageyama pulled out his phone, sending a message to someone.  
It was one of the few good points of the younger brunette. He did not go into details if the matter did not concern volleyball or him personaly. He would not even know how to explain his plan to someone.  
“Here.” Kageyama offered him his phone which displayed the number. He rewrote it quickly on his phone, ignoring the whole dispute above the message.  
“Thanks. You saved my day. Take care and good luck at your matches.” He turned on his heel, pulling his son with him. Tobio returned to the apartment, wondering what he could talk about. He was only happy that Iwaizumi-san still remembered where he lived, and recognized him as someone that he could turn to when he was in need.  
Hiro watched the disappearing brunette with suspicion. Although his father was considered unpleasant by his facial expression, this person was much more unpleasant! His cool facial expression and behavior did not appeal to him. Hajime sat on a bench, waving for his son to go play in the playground. Hiro was reluctant to look at foreign territory. Everything was alien here - especially many children who didn’t have a care about the snow, and joyfully played in it. He knew no one here. And that meant that nobody knew him. Smiling, he ran to join the party. Iwaizumi felt his heart skip to his throat. Now, hearing the signal on the receiver, he doubted whether it would be a good idea. However, before he pressed the red dot, he heard a crack.  
“Kuroo Tetsurou on this side, I’m listening?” A male voice spoke in the receiver, but Iwaizumi could not tell which person he was by only their voice.  
“Hey ... Um ... My name is Iwaizumi Hajime and I’m calling on Sawamura's behalf ...” He tapped on his leg in confusion, swallowing hard. He thought that someone cheerful, or at least sympathetic, would pick up. Sawamura’s stories must have nothing to do with reality, or he is so stressed out by this conversation that he feels stupid.  
“Did something happen to Daichi?!”  
“NO!” He shouted surprised, not expecting such a stir. “I mean ... I know I have no right or nothing ... But Sawamura is my friend, so I want to ask you to call him. Today is his birthday and talking with you would certainly help him. He thinks I don’t see it, but I know that all this calmness and serenity is just a game of appearances. He is deeply depressed and sometimes I hear him crying at night. I don’t even know if he is sleeping. You’re his boyfriend, shouldn’t you be supporting him?! “He did not want to reproach him, but while he was speaking, he could not help himself and eventually said something that he immediately regretted.  
“Can I disconnect now? As you said, you don’t have the right to do this. “Kuroo sounded dry, and was definitely restraining his anger.  
“I don’t understand it ... He really loves you.”  
“He loves you too. So you can comfort him then. “  
“That has nothing to do with it! Why don’t you fight for him?! “He was becoming more and more angrier. He did not understand it. If it was him and Rin and there was a competitor on the horizon ... Hajime would do everything he could just to keep her to himself.  
“You don’t understand, Iwaizumi. It’s not so simple. I let him go to Miyagi, although he didn’t want to. I pushed him in your arms, now the only thing I can do is take it off.”  
“BULLSHIT!! So what if you persuaded him to come here?! So what if he still loves me in some part?! Isn’t it important that you still love him, and he still loves you?! He’s still talking about you! You are his number one! Don’t do something that you will regret later!” He was angry. He shook the phone, shaking with the excess of emotions that circulated in him. He has never met a person who wanted to distance himself from the person he loves for such an idiotic reason. “At least you still have him, so fight for it!” Kuroo was silent for a long moment. Hajime was panting louder than he wanted to, but he had to give way to the emotions that were screaming in him.  
“Yeah. Daichi said you had lost your wife ...” Before Iwaizumi could say something, someone called out to Kuroo, and the latter hung up, ignoring the ongoing conversation. He stared in disbelief at the telephone. This Kuroo did not resemble that of Sawamura’s stories at all. How could someone so insensitive and foolish made Sawamura fall in love with him?!

  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Daichi smiled at the sight of the cake. He didn't expect a birthday party; he did not even think Iwaizumi remembered something so insignificant. He looked up at the beaming Hiro, who waited impatiently for a slice of the cake, though he had just smashed through every New Year’s dish that had landed on the table. Maybe children tend to have two stomachs?  
“I’m sorry that I have nothing more ...” Iwaizumi murmured embarrassed, cursing inwardly on his inability to pick a present. He did not know what the brunette might like.  
“Come on! I am moved that you even remembered! Now, I really feel old. I finally understand how Tetsu felt when he saw the candles on his cake.” He chuckled warmly , blowing the candles out for Hiro, who was already waiting with the plate raised.  
Iwaizumi said nothing, still remembering the conversation he had with Kuroo. He felt a bitterness inside that he had failed to persuade him during one stupid telephone call, I n addition, he let his emotions take over once again, and he was probably even more angered by him. He did not know why Kuroo was so far away from Sawamura, but he had no right to compare their relationship to his and Rin's. Rin was melancholy, but she was not grim all the time. She had her moments when she locked herself in the room to draw or read books, but even then when he entered her space , she did not mind. Rin was different than Sawamura. And he and Kuroo were different too.  
“Iwaizumi?” Daichi looked anxiously at the thoughtful person , who was sighins with irritation now and then.  
“Huh?” Hajime looked up in confusion. “I’m sorry, I was thinking.”  
“I noticed. I asked you how you knew it was my favorite cake? “  
“I met Kiyoko in the cake shop.” He shrugged, reaching for his portion.  
“Ah ... I see ...” He fell silent , feeling stupid. Once, together with the guys, he enjoyed every nice gesture from their manager. And yet over time the little crush had passed. However, he was happy that the girl still remembers what cake he preferred.  
“For a bland cake, it’s good!” Hiro put down his fork with a loud hoot, nodding in child-like recognition.  
Daichi laughed at the response, and Hajime moaned in embarrassment at his son’s behavior. The phone interrupted their idyll moment. Daichi surprised, pulled the device out of his pocket to see who was calling him. He expected no phone calls today, but upon seeing the picture being displayed, he got up violently from the table , causing the chair to fall over. He apologized , quickly running out in socks alone to gain privacy. Hajime, confused, looked at his son, who was already on his feet and put the chair back. However, his father did not understand what just happened.  
  
TETSU!" Daichi shouted out overjoyed, crouching down the stairs. His heart beat like crazy and could not stop the joy that had exploded within it. He missed him so much ...  
“Happy birthday , senior.” Kuroo replied amused, making allusions to the magazine they had once seen in the store.  
Daichi chuckled, feeling the tears coming. Terrified, he wiped them, hoping that Kuroo would not know.  
“You are a terrible grandfather.” He murmured quietly, holding back his sob.  
Tetsu said nothing, which caused Daichi to panic, H e did not want to end the conversation yet! He had to tell him how much he missed him and ensure that he still loves him ...  
“Daichi, when will you be back?” Kuroo’s voice was calmer, almost barely audible.  
“In three days ...” He replied quietly, wondering if he should now get on the train now and leave .  
“Write to me when you’re going. We will come to pick you up at the station."  
“We will come?”  
“Well, with Kou-tan. The stupid owl is always asking for you. He would not forgive me if I didn’t tell him about your return. “  
“Ah ... I see ...” He did not know why he felt so depressed suddenly, why his heart was squeezing in a strange pain. It was always like that. They were like the three musketeers and so far he never minded Bokuto’s company, so why does he want to ask Tetsu to come for him alone?  
“... I met Rei today.” Kuroo breathed, uncertain. However, Daichi felt like he was slapped on the cheek. Did Tetsu take revenge on him for him the truth about his feelings over the phone? Or maybe meeting with Rei made him understand that being with him would not take him anywhere? Maybe that’s why he ignored his messages and telephone calls so much!  
“She’s pregnant.” Tetsu added after a while , taking something out of the fridge. “When I saw her, I thought for a moment it could be mine, but I have not been with her for 6 years. And the pregnancy doesn’t last for so long. I will tell you more when you come back. You will be in the same shock as me. It's so fucked up. I really didn’t expect it. “  
“Okay ...” He felt confused. Tetsu sounded like usual, as if there was no strain between them. He enjoyed it, but on the other hand, he felt insecure. Like it was just a dream.  
“I have to go. See you. “Kuroo did not wait for his answer, he hung up before his mind understood what was going on.  
Daichi let the phone fall out of his hands, hiding his face within them. He sobbed quietly without even knowing if it was because he had finally talked to Tetsu and that they were still together, or maybe it was because he really felt that he had ruined his life completely.  
  
When he came in, the table was cleaned up , and Hiro was sitting at the kotatsu coloring a coloring book. Iwaizumi sat at the chapel and was talking to Rin. It all looked so surreal that he did not even know what to do with himself. He did not have his own place where he could hide and just forget he was alive. He sat on the sofa, staring blankly at the wedding photo of Rin and Hajime.  
  
  
_“Do you think I should invite the former coach to the wedding?” Hajime sat at the guest list, chewing the pen from intense thinking.  
“From Aoba?” Daichi asked hesitantly, trying to ignore the pain of his stomach with all his might. Iwaizumi nodded, sighing heavily_ _._ _“Do you keep in touch with him?”  
“No..”  
“Well, there's your answer. A wedding is rather an event for loved ones, not the entire world. “  
“Yeah. Yes ... Only you know ... Rin doesn’t have too many friends ... “he muttered_ _,_ _visibly flustered. Daichi understood what his friend meant. He did not think that anyone would want to sit on the family side of the bride.  
“Iwaizumi, relax. Rin certainly doesn’t want a big fancy wedding. “  
“That’s the thing! Even if she doesn’t want it, I want to give it to her! She deserves it. So, you will come? “He looked at him reproachfully, waiting for a positive answer.  
“If nothing changes in my life, you can count on me.” He replied quietly, feeling his stomach come to his throat at the mere thought of being a witness to their oath of allegiance.  
“Let it be. Although I'll be counting on your presence.”  
Daichi knew why. Finally, he would be one of the few people who supported this marriage with a pure heart. Even Iwaizumi’s parents did not have much conviction. They liked Rin, but they must have imagined that someone else would be standing next to their son on his big day._ _  
“Hey boys, what are you doing?” Rin appeared at their table, holding a bag from a well-known bakery. “_ _H_ _ere, get some extra energy.”  
“You are an angel.” Hajime answered happily_ _,_ _taking two mugs of drinks and snacks from the bag. He handed Sawamura the one with tea and a sandwich_ _,_ _while he left himself a cup of coffee and a cake.  
“Should you be moving around so much in this state?” Daichi looked at Rin’s stomach with concern.  
“I’ll be all right. It’s only the 5th month Sawamura-kun.” She smiled warmly, smacking him on the cheek. “Thank you for caring.”  
“Hey! I didn’t get a kiss! “Hajime shouted grumpily, pulling her to him.  
Daichi laughed, unable to believe that it was the last few months at the university. The last moments he will spend alongside Hajime._  
  
He never went to their wedding. Even though he had been looking for a perfect excuse since he heard about their engagement, he now regrets not seeing them during their most important event. He would have liked to see Rin in a wedding kimono, how she would chew her lip from the inside out from her nerves, probably asking him if everything was all right. Iwaizumi would probably be pale and would carry his emotions on poor Oikawa.  
It definitely was a great day.  
“She was beautiful.” Iwaizumi sat next to him, staring at the same picture. “She was looking out for you the whole day.”  
“I’m sorry ...” he muttered softly , feeling guilty.  
“It’s fine. You had your reasons. “  


  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
He grunted once again, looking with reproach at the root sticking out of the ground. Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder at Daichi, making sure everything was all right. He sighed, correcting the yukata that adhered to him way too much. However, his and Hajime's body structure was different, causing him to be uncomfortable in borrowed clothes. Hiro ran ahead with his lantern , ignoring the small obstacles.  
He did not know this temple. He lived in Miyagi for so many years, and somehow he did not even hear about it. The road to it led through the forest and few people remembered it, because the once stone path was swallowed by land. He could, however, understand why Rin loved this place. He felt like he was in a Ghibli movie, where the hero enters the realm of the gods.  
He turned back, admiring the panorama of the city. They were not particularly high; the buildings were still large, and people were not punctuated, but he sensed some magic in it.  
“Sawamura?” Hajime shouted to him, wondering if something had happened.  
“I’m coming. I’m just admiring the surroundings. I’ve never been here ... “He replied, captivated by attaching to his friend.  
“There is something magical about it ...” Hajime smiled fondly as he continued his climb to the temple.  
“How did you find it?”  
“Rin found it ... As a child.” Iwaizumi suddenly faded, his hands clenched in a low quiver.  
Daichi did not know much about Rin's family. He only knew some basic facts that she told him during their meals together. He was looking at his friend with an internal conflict. On the one hand, he wanted to ask about Rin’s childhood, but on the other hand, he was not sure if it was a good idea. He did not want to destroy this evening, the last hours of this year.  
“Rin was ... Her family was abusing her. Apparently, there were days when her mother didn’t want to let her in during the absence of her husband. In such moments, Rin walked around the city looking for shelter from rain or cold. That’s how she found this temple.” Hajime spoke softly, refraining from crying. Although he had no influence on Rin’s childhood, he seemed to blame himself for not being with her from the beginning.  
“Why?” Daichi bit his tongue , feeling idiotically. He felt shocked by Rin's history. He was thrown out of the family because of his orientation, but it was when he was already an adult. What could a child have done wrong?  
“Her mother was having an affair, and she wanted a divorce with her husband. However, he gave her an ultimatum. She was supposed to leave their son with him, and she was to leave the city herself , and take all the blame on herself in court, which would have contributed to the lack of any property claims. Of course, the lover, when he heard this quickly ran away, fearing for his career. I think she blamed Rin for her misfortune, or maybe she reminded her of a lover who didn’t love her so much. I don’t know. Rin didn’t like talking about it. She had this habit of defending her mother. “  
“But it wasn’t Rin’s fault!” Daichi shouted agitated, unable to believe that someone could blame their child for their own failure in life.  
Hajime smiled painfully, nodding his head in quiet agreement. He himself could not forgive this woman for what she had done to Rin, those years in which she would make her daughter feel worthless, those attempts to kill her. He did not want to see this woman ever again. Of course, her stepfather was not better. How could he just pretend Rin does not exist? He did not understand it.  
“I’m really sorry ...” Daichi stammered in confusion, feeling like an idiot for drilling this topic. He destroyed everything again.  
They walked in a strange silence. It was not a pleasant kind of silence where people have nothing more to say and enjoy the comfort of the presence of a friendly soul. Hajime gritted his teeth, remembering things that were not pleasant, while Daichi felt worse and worse with every step. He wanted to turn back and escape somewhere far away and disappear. Maybe then he wouldn't hurt anyone.  
Hiro watched them from the top, bored with waiting. It has always been like that. He reached the destination first and had to wait for the rest. And adults are supposed to walk faster!  
  
  
_Rin was flushed, panting heavily. Hajime tightened his hand on her, wondering if they should turn back. There are so many other temples that they could visit tomorrow. Hiro walked in front, singing a song from Doraemon under his breath.  
“Maybe we should turn back?” He asked, worried about her state of health.  
“I can handle it. It’s just going to take me longer than usual ... “She replied quietly, fighting for a smile that did not convince him of this idea at all.  
“The doctor told you to lie ...” He began uncertainly_ _,_ _but fell silent upon seeing the determination in Rin’s eyes.  
“I will go there and pray for prosperity in the new year!” She said defiantly, straightening up proudly, but after a few steps she again staggered and cringed. The pain was unbearable. “Please ... Let me go there, Hajime ...” This may be my last time, she added in her mind, not daring to say it out loud.  
Hiro turned to his parents_ _,_ _raising his lantern high to show them how far he had gone. From this distance, he could not see his mother’s pale face and the pain that was drawing on her. He did not see his worried father who tried to support Rin, who knew that if he caught her in the wrong way, he would only make her feel worse. He could only hold her hand and hope that everything would be fine._  
  
  
Daichi clapped his hands together, praying to the deity for prosperity in the new year for his loved ones. He had to admit that this modest temple located almost at the top of the mountain had an amazing panorama. The fact that it survived so many earthquakes was admirable. He could see that that landslides has taken a toll on the building, as it was no longer symmetrical and simple, but it still stood. Only one monk stationed here, in the prime of his life. When he dies, the temple will die with him. There was something sad about it, but it was real. There are larger temples located closer to people that have their attractions and visitors throughout the year. Here , he was, at most a lost wanderer. It is not economically profitable to keep property that's been forgotten by the world.  
Artificial fires blazed in the sky. Illuminating the dark sky. He saw more stars compared to Tokyo. Hiro squealed , delighted at the show he was observing firsthand. The monk sat behind them , sipping tea. He also appreciated the beauty of this day.  
Daichi moved away slightly from Iwaizumi , to allow himself to shed. Last year was difficult for him. The fall of form, which eventually pushed him to give up volleyball. The return to Miyagi, which turned out to be both good and bad. He could say that, as usual, everything was a series of woes, but that would be a lie. Even if he rarely saw the positive aspects of life, they were there. He just could not get them out of this whole negativity.  
“Why is Uncle crying?” Hiro pulled his yukata to attract attention.  
“Hmm ... Why am I crying? Because you know ... It is said that if you think back and replay your year – if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.” he smiled weakly, hoping the boy would buy it.  
Hiro cocked his head, analyzing his words. He wanted to disagree with them. He wasn't crying, but ... His father always cries when he thinks he can not see it. Mama also cried when she was here for the last time. Maybe there is something in it?  
Daichi stroked Hiro's head with his hands. Hiro, surprised, hugged him, looking stealthily at his father who was crying.  
“Hiro ... You don’t have to be a strong man. You are only a child and you can cry. Your father will not blame you for that.” He whispered softly, stroking his back.  
“But I promised mom ...” He moaned quietly, feeling the tears coming.  
“Fine. As you can see, adults also cry. Men also cry. Tears are not a sign of weakness. They are only a reflection of our emotions. They help us deal with their excess. That’s why Hiro, you can also cry when you feel like it. Your mother watches over you and wants your happiness."  
Hiro burst into tears, muttering something under his breath, which Daichi could only read as an unwillingness to confess to his mother that he misses her and wants her back. Hajime looked at them with a gentle smile.  


  
  
(´•ω•̥`)  


  
Hiro stood grumpily at his father, who had no intention of forbidding Sawamura to leave. Who will cook for them?! Did not his father understand this? After all, when uncle leaves, everything will return to its previous state.  
“Thank you for everything Sawamura. I really don’t know how to repay you for all this. “  
“Try not to die until you come to Tokyo.” He smiled in response, patting his shoulder. “And maybe try to go out to meet people.”  
“I don’t know if you’re trying to be nice , or just mean.” He replied , offended by his friend’s words.  
“Leave me alone. You know I want your good. “  
“I know. And I’m really grateful. Are you sure your boyfriend will not mind? “  
"Tetsu? Of course not. He is a really great guy. You will see!”  
Hajime smiled crookedly , remembering the conversation with this “wonderful” guy, and somehow he could not agree with Sawamura and his strange faith in his lover. Hiro snapped angrily, being fairly ignored. Daichi crouched in front of him stroking his head.  
“Take care, Hiro. I’ll see you in April, okay? I will cook you something delicious to welcome you. “  
“Do you really have to go?” He mumbled timidly, clutching his jacket to stop himself from slipping into Daichi.  
“My home is there. I need to get back to Tetsu. “  
“Tetsu cannot come here? After all, the cat is indifferent to where he sleeps. “  
Daichi smiled, unable to believe that he had gained the boy’s love so quickly. It was hard for him to leave. He felt like a part of this family. Even if he and Hajime didn't have an intimate relationship, his brain saw their relationship as a hope for something more. It was a dangerous territory, and he did not want to do something stupid. He has already messed up enough in his life.  
“See you, Hiro.” He stood up slowly, tapping his head for the last time.  
“Later Sawamura.” Iwaizumi smiled warmly, hugging him, which surprised Daichi who returned his grip, trying to ignore his beating heart. He felt so blissful, right in this spot.  
Maybe he should stay?

**Author's Note:**

> You made it to the end?! You have my applause for this. :)
> 
> You can scream at me at:  
> tumblr: https://kanashierihime.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/EriHime11 (Faster way to get to me) 
> 
> Since I kinda lost faith in my writing I doubt I will post the second chapter but who knows what the future will give.


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